California Saves Crypto from the Bureaucratic Gulag! 🚀💰

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In the land of endless sunshine and Silicon Valley dreams, the omnipresent hand of the state has, for once, not crushed the fragile flower of innovation. California’s Governor, with a flourish of his pen, has decreed that unclaimed crypto assets shall not be cast into the abyss of forced liquidation. 🖋️✨ Oh, the humanity! The crypto hodlers weep with joy, their digital treasures spared from the bureaucratic meat grinder. 🤑

California Shields Crypto from the Clutches of the State (For Now)

Governor Gavin Newsom, in a moment of rare clarity, signed Senate Bill 822 (SB822) into law, declaring that crypto assets are not to be treated like loose change found in a couch cushion. 🛋️💸 No, these intangible treasures, these digital relics of the modern age, shall be preserved in their original form, untouched by the greedy hands of automatic liquidation. Senator Josh Becker, the bill’s sponsor, must be basking in the glow of his triumph, though one wonders if he truly understands the labyrinthine depths of the crypto world he has dared to navigate. 🧐

The bill, passed with all the drama of a Shakespearean tragedy, now stands as a beacon of hope for crypto enthusiasts. Yet, let us not forget the irony: the state, ever the benevolent overlord, has deigned to protect what it could just as easily destroy. 🛡️💥

This act follows California’s previous attempts to wrap its arms around the crypto beast. In February, Assembly Bill 1052 (AB1052) sought to enshrine self-custody rights, a noble goal in a world where the state’s reach knows no bounds. Yet, AB1052 now languishes in the legislative limbo, a reminder that even the most well-intentioned laws can be swallowed by the bureaucratic void. 🕳️📜

The Unclaimed Property Law, with its Orwellian precision, declares that intangible property escheats to the state after three years of neglect. But fear not, crypto holders! SB822 ensures your digital assets will not be lost in the abyss-at least not immediately. Instead, they will be held in state custody, a modern-day treasure vault guarded by the ever-watchful State Controller. 🏛️🔒

And what of the holders of these unclaimed assets? They must notify the apparent owners, a gesture as futile as shouting into the void. But hey, it’s the thought that counts, right? 🤷‍♂️

A ‘Blueprint’ for National Reform? Or Just Another Layer of Red Tape?

SB822, in all its glory, sets a framework for handling unclaimed crypto assets that have lain dormant for three years. No more forced liquidations! No more cash conversions! Instead, the state will hold your assets, a benevolent custodian until the day you remember your wallet password. 🗝️🤦‍♂️

The bill also allows the Controller to sell these assets after 18-20 months, a process as transparent as a brick wall. But fear not, valid claimants! You may receive the sale proceeds, a small consolation for your forgetfulness. 💸🤹‍♂️

All escheated property delivered to the Controller under this chapter shall be sold by the Controller to the highest bidder at public sale in whatever city in the state affords in the Controller’s judgment the most favorable market for the property involved, (…). However, no sale shall be made pursuant to this subdivision until 18 months after the final date for filing the report required by Section 1530.

Coinbase’s Chief Legal Officer, Paul Grewal, hailed this as a victory, though one suspects his enthusiasm is tempered by the knowledge that the state’s embrace is never entirely warm. He called it a “blueprint for national unclaimed property law,” a phrase that drips with both hope and sarcasm. 🗺️😏

Yet, Grewal’s plea for California to join the 46 other states in protecting staking rights reminds us that the battle is far from over. The state, ever the master of half-measures, has granted a reprieve but not a revolution. 🛡️⚔️

So, crypto holders of California, rejoice! Your assets are safe-for now. But remember, in the grand theater of state bureaucracy, today’s hero is tomorrow’s villain. 🦹‍♂️👿

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2025-10-15 12:15