Dear reader, if youāre still breathing and havenāt been spirited away by a particularly aggressive margin call, allow me to report from the feverish trenches of the cryptocurrency markets – a place where logic goes to die and hope is traded more frequently than tokens.
Yes, Bitcoin, that stolid, lumbering mammoth of a cryptocurrency, has once again spent 24 hours doing what it does best: absolutely nothing. With the grace of a sedated rhinoceros, it lumbered upward by a paltry two thousand dollars and now stands – or rather, snoozes – just shy of $89,000. One can almost hear it snoring through the blockchain.
The altcoin herd? Ah, a tragic spectacle. Ethereum lingers below $3,000 like a melancholy poet at a closed bar, unable to breach the $3K resistance – a barrier as stubborn as a bureaucrat in a Soviet office. XRP? Once a vibrant contender, now trapped beneath $1.90, its dreams of glory turned into the cold comfort of āsupport-turned-resistance.ā BNB wobbles slightly into green like a drunk man leaning on a lamppost, while DOGE, ADA, ZEC, and XLM – bless their chaotic hearts – continue their dive into the red, each coin reflecting the soul of its holder: battered, bruised, but still hopeful.
BTC to End 2025 in Red? The Unthinkable Becomes Likely š
For weeks now, Bitcoin has danced sideways like a confused chicken in a barnyard, unable to escape the $84,500 to $94,500 prison it built for itself. December was supposed to be triumphant. Instead, it’s been a masterclass in mediocrity. The mighty $90,000 ceiling? Mocked. Taunted. Slapped away like an overeager suitor at a ball.
Just this week, BTC dared to dream – it climbed, oh-so-briefly, to $90,400! A cheer went up across Telegram groups. Champagne (non-existent) was uncorked. And then – poof – the market exhaled, and price tumbled like a gargoyle off a cathedral, crashing beneath $87,000. A tragic opera in three candles. Since then, itās crawled back like a wounded soldier, only to be repelled at $89,400. Now it hovers, deflated, just below $89,000 – a ghost of momentum past.
And hereās the kicker, dear audience: if this lethargy continues, Bitcoin may close 2025 in the red. Yes, you heard that right. A post-halving year. A cardinal sin in crypto dogma. It hasnāt happened since the time Satoshi supposedly cursed a wallet and vanished into the Andes.
Yet, against all reason, its market cap has swelled to $1.770 trillion – a testament not to price, but to sheer, unrelenting belief. Or, possibly, mass delusion. Dominance? A smug 57.5%. The altcoins tremble in its shadow, like peasants beneath a too-large hat.
M, CC – The Circus Arrives šŖ
While the king snoozes, the jesters reign. Enter: MemeCore (M), the cryptocurrency equivalent of a man wearing a banana suit riding a unicycle through a bullfight. It surged 11% today – eleven percent! – rocketing to $1.58. No utility. No white paper. No dignity. Just vibes, dog, and the boundless human capacity for self-deception.
Cantonās CC, meanwhile, rose another 8.5% – because why not? At $0.146, it now holds as much intrinsic value as a theater ticket to a play that was canceled in 1923. But who cares? Momentum is its prophet, and FOMO its gospel.
The total crypto market cap? Up $20 billion. Now sits at $3.080 trillion on CG – a number so large it could fund a small countryās espresso addiction for a decade.
So there you have it. Bitcoin: sleeping. Alts: suffering. Memecoins: thriving like weeds in a corpse garden. Is this the future? Or merely another fever dream orchestrated by the Great Tempter himself, who, I suspect, runs a Discord server and shorts BTC on weekends?
Stay tuned, comrades. The circus isnāt over. The clowns havenāt even put on their makeup yet. š¤”šø
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2025-12-31 14:17