Ah! Monsieur Bitcoin, the grand seigneur of digital coin, continues to loiter about the $108,000 salon—a true nobleman of passivity! One could yawn and recite a sonnet before he settles on a new number. Has he taken a vow of stillness? Perhaps he awaits inspiration from the muse of Volatility herself, who chose—alas!—to vacation elsewhere.
Meanwhile, as for those robust, respectable altcoins? Their performance was as exciting as a courtier’s nap after lunch. A gentle wiggle, a modest bow, like polite applause to a terribly long-winded speech. Yet! Behold! From behind the tapestry, TON and BONK emerge, tripping over their own exuberance on this tranquil Sunday morn.
BTC: The Sleepiest Baron in the Land
It has been a time of serenity for Bitcoin, that ponderous duke of cryptocurrency. Why, the last true spectacle unfolded back during the tempest of June 23 and 24. There, our hero swooned—down to $98,000—only to leap theatrically above $105,000 as distant war drums echoed (trading, of course, being very sensitive to the sound of far-off cannon fire).
Since then, naught but monotony: a trading corridor so tight you’d think Bitcoin had taken holy orders. Bulls and bears wrestle in the shadows, occasionally tripping over the rugs at $105,000 and $110,000, as if tossing the world’s largest, most expensive baguette. A fleeting moment of hope glimmered (“Finally, to the moon!” cry the peasants), as BTC poked its noble head above $110,500. But the bears—stodgy bankers in wigs—declared, “Non! Not today!” and slammed the mahogany doors to new highs.
And so, we witness the spectacle of immobility: the price camps at $108,000, stubborn as a pampered Monsieur refusing to leave his chaise longue. With a market cap of $2.150 trillion, and a dominance over the alts worthy of the Sun King himself—mais oui!—Bitcoin does truly sit atop his golden throne, unmoved and unmoving.
BONK: The Jester in Doublet and Hose 😹
Feast your eyes on the next act! While the grand lords ETH, BNB, SOL and their stately companions barely twitch, the jesters TON and BONK tumble onto the scene. HYPE and PI, it must be said, have lost their shoes and their dignity, falling behind.
TON collects applause with a 9% leap, sitting primly at $3—respectable! But BONK, oh BONK! That little mischief-maker explodes by 20%, now cavorting at $0.000022. At this point, the audience is uncertain: should they invest or simply laugh?
Meanwhile, the combined fortune of all cryptos idles at $3.4 trillion, which—between us—is more reliable than a Parisian waiter’s sneer.
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2025-07-06 12:03