Markets
What to know, dear reader, if one must:
- The crypto circus, ever the bastion of sobriety, staged a modest rally on Tuesday, with bitcoin-that digital chimera-climbing past $64,000, as if such figures held any meaning.
- The bitcoin Fear & Greed Index, a barometer of collective hysteria, plummeted to 5, a level so low it makes the 2018 bear market look like a tea party. One wonders if the index itself is in need of a sedative.
- AI fears, those quaint preoccupations of Wall Street, have taken a holiday, with the beleaguered software sector (IGV) rising 1.7% after a plunge so relentless it would make Icarus blush.
Bitcoin, that darling of the digitally deluded, pushed back above $64,000 in early U.S. trading Tuesday, tracking a broader rebound in risk assets after several sessions of what can only be described as financial vaudeville.
Trading recently at $64,200, bitcoin was still lower by 0.75% over the past 24 hours, but nicely above the morning’s low of $62,500. Ether (ETH) and solana (SOL) also narrowed their early losses, as if anyone were keeping score.
Crypto’s tight correlation with technology stocks remained as evident as a socialite’s penchant for scandal, with software shares-as represented by the iShares Software Sector ETF (IGV)-bouncing 1.7% after recent losses fueled by the fear that artificial intelligence (AI) tools will render them as obsolete as a rotary phone.
The gains came as certain firms, including Intuit and DocuSign, announced partnerships with AI firm Anthropic, suggesting that even the most entrenched incumbents might adapt, rather than being consigned to the dustbin of history. How quaint.
Meanwhile, traditional safe havens-those stalwarts of the financially faint-hearted-lost ground. Gold fell 1.5% on the session, while crude oil slipped 0.5% as geopolitical tensions eased. Reports cited Iran’s deputy foreign minister Majid Takht-Ravanchi declaring the country “ready to take any necessary step to reach a deal with the U.S.,” thus tempering fears of an imminent military strike. One can almost hear the collective sigh of relief from the bunkers.
The tech-heavy Nasdaq 100 traded 1.1% higher, while the broad-market S&P 500 was up 0.8%, proving once again that the markets are nothing if not a theater of the absurd.
High-performance computing firms and bitcoin miners-increasingly tied to AI data center infrastructure-joined the move higher. Bitdeer (BTDR), Cipher Mining (CIFR), Hut 8 (HUT), and TeraWulf (WULF) led gains, rallying 6%-10%, as if the world needed more proof of humanity’s boundless capacity for self-delusion.
Much of the rest of the crypto-related sector was modestly lower, with Coinbase (COIN), MARA Holdings (MARA), and Strategy (MSTR) among those showing losses of 0.5%-1%. One can only imagine the hand-wringing in their boardrooms.
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2026-02-24 20:52