Bitcoin Billionaires Beware: Strategy’s New Stock Scheme Seduces Savvy Investors 😏

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Oh, the audacity of it all! Strategy, that darling of digital gold diggers, has unveiled its latest masterpiece—an IPO for a new series of preferred stock so ambitious they’ve dubbed it “Stretch.” Naturally, this isn’t to fund world peace or solve climate change; no, dear reader, this is to buy more bitcoin. Because apparently, their stash of 6,220 newly acquired BTC wasn’t enough to satiate their insatiable appetite. 🕶️

A Stock So Bold, It Deserves Its Own Opera 🎭

The company, in a move as theatrical as Wilde himself, filed for an IPO offering 5 million shares of its “Variable Rate Series A Perpetual Stretch Preferred Stock” (STRC Stock). Each share comes with a $100 price tag, aiming to raise approximately $500 million before expenses. One can only imagine the champagne corks popping in boardrooms worldwide. 🍾

And what shall they do with this mountain of money? Why, acquire more bitcoin (BTC), of course! Because nothing says fiscal responsibility like doubling down on cryptocurrency while the rest of us debate whether avocado toast is a worthwhile investment. The STRC Stock marks Strategy’s fourth attempt at this particular brand of financial alchemy, proving once again that if at first you don’t succeed, try, try, and then try with slightly higher dividends.

This “Stretch” stock offers cumulative monthly dividends starting at a juicy 9.00% annual rate—though Strategy reserves the right to tinker with this figure like a mischievous child rearranging furniture. Unpaid dividends will compound monthly, which sounds delightfully Dickensian. And should you wish to exit this merry-go-round, Strategy promises redemption scenarios involving liquidation preferences and poetic justice—or at least some extra dollars per share. 💸

Should one grow weary of holding these shares, Strategy has thoughtfully included provisions for redemption under various conditions, including listing on a major exchange at $101 per share plus unpaid dividends. There are also “clean-up” redemptions for small amounts and “tax redemptions,” both ensuring that even when exiting, one does so with flair. Truly, Strategy believes in making every shareholder feel like royalty—even if said royalty resides in a castle built on cryptographic sand. 👑

Morgan Stanley, Barclays, Moelis & Company, and TD Securities have been appointed as joint book-running managers for this spectacle, joined by several co-managers eager to bask in the glow of such audacious ambition. Meanwhile, Strategy now holds a staggering 607,770 BTC—as much as 3% of all bitcoin in circulation—a fact that would make even Midas question his life choices. Yet somehow, against all odds, this grand experiment in hedging the future continues to pay off. Or perhaps we’re simply living in the era where absurdity itself is the ultimate asset class. 🚀

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2025-07-22 02:18