It is now abundantly clear, as if divine revelation had descended upon a particularly dim curate during Evensong, that the denizens of France and Italy-those romantic, pasta-loving souls-are locked in mortal combat with an unseen army of WhatsApp-based charlatans masquerading as representatives of Binance, the so-called “world’s largest crypto exchange.” With some 280 million adherents (a figure doubtless rounded up from 279,432,117 to impress the Philistines), Binance has achieved the status of digital religion, complete with false prophets and heretics.
The High Priest of this volatile temple, one Richard Teng-CEO by title, prophet by accident-recently issued a Pontifical Edict via Twitter (or X, or whatever Satan’s latest app is called):
\n
“Seeing more phishing scams on WhatsApp lately.”
\n
“Please stay cautious – Binance will never message you in groups about investments or funds.”
\n
“If in doubt, verify first.”
\n
– Richard Teng (@_RichardTeng) November 7, 2025
\n
Such wisdom. Such gravitas. One could almost hear the droning of solemn bells. Yet still, the hoi polloi press forward, lured by promises of infinite gains and free Lambo vouchers, only to hand over their life savings to a bloke named “Marco_Binance_Support_Official” who lives in a basement in Palermo and types exclusively with his thumbs.
Binance, in a rare moment of corporate lucidity, has proclaimed: “We shall never contact you on WhatsApp to offer investment opportunities, request payments, or ask for your personal information.” This is rather like the Archbishop of Canterbury declaring he will not appear at your garden party disguised as a badger to demand your bank PIN-it shouldn’t need saying, but alas, humanity being what it is, it does.
\n
“Anyone claiming to represent Binance and reaching out to you this way is attempting to scam or defraud you.”
\n
Perfectly reasonable. Yet still, the gullible-or perhaps the terminally optimistic-charge forth. The scammers, operating on WhatsApp, Telegram, and probably carrier pigeon by now, have grown so bold they might as well wear sandwich boards reading “CON ARTIST: PROCEED WITH DISTRUST.”
And then came the pièce de résistance: an SMS spoofing attack so ludicrously audacious it bordered on performance art. Innocent users-many no doubt sipping espresso while checking their portfolios-were informed their accounts had been accessed from North Korea. Yes, North Korea. Not Germany. Not even Belgium. North Korea. As if some frostbitten hacker in Pyongyang had broken through firewalls with bare hands, mid-power cut, just to steal 0.0037 BTC and send a WhatsApp voice note with heavy accordion background music.
The message urged users to “secure” their funds by transferring them to a designated wallet-presumably under a bridge in Minsk. Several complied, because nothing breeds trust like geopolitical absurdity and unsolicited financial advice from a phone number that should be blacklisted by INTERPOL.
Security Measures (For the Terminally NaĂŻve)
Earlier this year, in what can only be described as a “teachable moment,” CEO Teng gently reminded users to enable two-factor authentication, use Binance’s safety tools, and not respond to messages from “Binance CEO’s Twin Brother Offering 500% ROI.”
“Staying alert, informed, and skeptical of unsolicited messages is the best way to keep your crypto secure,” chirped the official alert, as if addressing a village of particularly trusting badgers.
\n
“Together, we can build a safer crypto community for everyone.”
\n
And perhaps, one day, we shall. But until then, do try to remember: if a man messages you on WhatsApp claiming to be Binance, offering riches and wisdom, he is not Elijah. He is not even Ezekiel. He is, with 99.8% certainty, Marco from Palermo-who, it must be said, now drives a rather nice Fiat. đźš—đź’¸’, ‘reasoning_content’: ”, ‘name’: None, ‘tool_calls’: []}, ‘finish_reason’: ‘stop’, ‘logprobs’: None}], ‘usage’: {‘prompt_tokens’: 764, ‘total_tokens’: 1738, ‘completion_tokens’: 974, ‘estimated_cost’: 0.00062394, ‘prompt_tokens_details’: None}}
It is now abundantly clear, as if divine revelation had descended upon a particularly dim curate during Evensong, that the denizens of France and Italy-those romantic, pasta-loving souls-are locked in mortal combat with an unseen army of WhatsApp-based charlatans masquerading as representatives of Binance, the so-called “world’s largest crypto exchange.” With some 280 million adherents (a figure doubtless rounded up from 279,432,117 to impress the Philistines), Binance has achieved the status of digital religion, complete with false prophets and heretics.
The High Priest of this volatile temple, one Richard Teng-CEO by title, prophet by accident-recently issued a Pontifical Edict via Twitter (or X, or whatever Satan’s latest app is called):
“Seeing more phishing scams on WhatsApp lately.”
“Please stay cautious – Binance will never message you in groups about investments or funds.”
“If in doubt, verify first.”
– Richard Teng (@_RichardTeng) November 7, 2025
Such wisdom. Such gravitas. One could almost hear the droning of solemn bells. Yet still, the hoi polloi press forward, lured by promises of infinite gains and free Lambo vouchers, only to hand over their life savings to a bloke named “Marco_Binance_Support_Official” who lives in a basement in Palermo and types exclusively with his thumbs.
Binance, in a rare moment of corporate lucidity, has proclaimed: “We shall never contact you on WhatsApp to offer investment opportunities, request payments, or ask for your personal information.” This is rather like the Archbishop of Canterbury declaring he will not appear at your garden party disguised as a badger to demand your bank PIN-it shouldn’t need saying, but alas, humanity being what it is, it does.
“Anyone claiming to represent Binance and reaching out to you this way is attempting to scam or defraud you.”
Perfectly reasonable. Yet still, the gullible-or perhaps the terminally optimistic-charge forth. The scammers, operating on WhatsApp, Telegram, and probably carrier pigeon by now, have grown so bold they might as well wear sandwich boards reading “CON ARTIST: PROCEED WITH DISTRUST.”
And then came the pièce de résistance: an SMS spoofing attack so ludicrously audacious it bordered on performance art. Innocent users-many no doubt sipping espresso while checking their portfolios-were informed their accounts had been accessed from North Korea. Yes, North Korea. Not Germany. Not even Belgium. North Korea. As if some frostbitten hacker in Pyongyang had broken through firewalls with bare hands, mid-power cut, just to steal 0.0037 BTC and send a WhatsApp voice note with heavy accordion background music.
The message urged users to “secure” their funds by transferring them to a designated wallet-presumably under a bridge in Minsk. Several complied, because nothing breeds trust like geopolitical absurdity and unsolicited financial advice from a phone number that should be blacklisted by INTERPOL.
Security Measures (For the Terminally NaĂŻve)
Earlier this year, in what can only be described as a “teachable moment,” CEO Teng gently reminded users to enable two-factor authentication, use Binance’s safety tools, and not respond to messages from “Binance CEO’s Twin Brother Offering 500% ROI.”
“Staying alert, informed, and skeptical of unsolicited messages is the best way to keep your crypto secure,” chirped the official alert, as if addressing a village of particularly trusting badgers.
“Together, we can build a safer crypto community for everyone.”
And perhaps, one day, we shall. But until then, do try to remember: if a man messages you on WhatsApp claiming to be Binance, offering riches and wisdom, he is not Elijah. He is not even Ezekiel. He is, with 99.8% certainty, Marco from Palermo-who, it must be said, now drives a rather nice Fiat. đźš—đź’¸
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2025-11-09 07:08