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Dogecoin had a rough weekend, slipping 3% as the big institutional players decided to bail out. They weren’t having any of it-selling pressure near $0.20 was like a brick wall, preventing any kind of breakout. Meanwhile, the world outside kept throwing stress around, making traders defensive across alt markets. Yay. 🎉

VanEck, that paragon of financial innovation, has flung open the SEC’s door with a registration statement for the “VanEck Lido Staked ETH ETF.” Should this charade of compliance be approved, it would birth the first U.S. ETF referencing stETH. A fund that, with all the subtlety of a bear in a tutu, offers regulated exposure to Ethereum staked via Lido protocol. A bridge between DeFi and traditional finance? Mon Dieu, what could possibly go wrong? 🌟

Late on that fateful Monday, Floki embarked on a vigorous frolic upward, all thanks to Elon Musk’s latest jest: a video of his Shiba Inu “Floki” arrayed in the garb of X’s CEO. Oh, how these canine capers echo his prior pranks, which send the dog-themed coins into frenzied spins like leaves in a Petersburg gale! 🌪️

According to the Yomiuri newspaper, the FSA is toying with the idea of letting banks hold digital assets for investment. Back in 2020, they slammed the door shut on such notions, but apparently, the siren song of crypto profits is louder than their better judgment. 🎻

Astra Nova, that shiny crypto-AI site you’ve probably never heard of (until now), has just suffered a staggering $10 million loss. How, you ask? Well, turns out a third-party market maker decided to play villain and dump a huge chunk of RVV tokens, sending the price plummeting faster than a rollercoaster on a bad day. 🎢

Apparently, this Solana boasts a “depth and diversity of on-chain activity” that leaves its rivals trailing in the dust. Users, transactions, fees – all metrics, you understand, that Grayscale deems essential for discerning the truly fashionable blockchains. How terribly practical! As if genuine worth could be quantified by such pedestrian measures. Nevertheless, they insist this “diversity” is the foundation for SOL’s rising valuation. One suspects a hint of hyperbole, but who am I to quibble with a good narrative?

BlackRock’s iShares Bitcoin ETP, a gilded gate to Bitcoin, now joins the ranks of 21Shares, WisdomTree, and Bitwise. For the first time since 2021, the common man may invest without the burden of crypto wallets or the agony of exchanges. A miracle, or merely a new form of servitude? 🤔

After bouncing off a trendline support like a kangaroo on a trampoline, the price made a glorious comeback, reclaiming the $190-$193 range. Now, traders are whispering about a big move above $200. If it happens, the momentum will flip faster than a pancake on Sunday morning! 🥞

Enter Dom Kwok, the Web3 sage with a twinkle in his eye and a whiteboard full of wisdom. On the digital stage of X, he posed a riddle: “If there’s so much good news, why is the price dropping?” Ah, the age-old question of the crypto jungle! His answer? The market isn’t fickle-it’s just playing hide and seek with global chaos. Wars, tariffs, geopolitical shenanigans-oh, how they make investors clutch their gold like a child with a favorite teddy bear! 🧙♂️🕵️♂️