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RedotPay, a Hong Kong-based stablecoins payments company, is planning a US stock market debut that could raise over $1 billion. Because nothing says “innovation” like turning your crypto into a public offering. The startup aims to list in New York later this year, presumably after convincing JPMorgan Chase, Goldman Sachs, and Jefferies that this isn’t a scam. Spoiler: They’re probably just trying to get a seat at the table before the party crashes.

With the grace of a statesman and the vision of a man who believes spreadsheets can cure cancer, Tinubu has birthed a framework to regulate Nigeria’s digital asset frontier. The Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) and the Nigeria Revenue Service (NRS), now joint custodians of non-security virtual assets under the Virtual Asset Regulatory Authority (VARA), will ensure that not a single Satoshi escapes their watchful eyes. One wonders if they’ll next regulate the air we breathe-just to be thorough.

With this move, the cryptocurrency exchange and financial services platform joins a growing list of digital asset firms that received similar approvals last year. How thrilling, to see the old guard of finance being upstaged by these digital darlings.

At the hour of publication, BTC lingered near $62,900, its soul weighed down by a 24-hour trading volume of $45.66 billion-a sum so vast it could buy a small nation’s worth of existential dread. The four-hour slide, a masterclass in market theatrics, saw $60 billion vanish into the void, while $380 million in liquidations danced the macabre waltz of despair, per Coinglass’s grim ledger.

Lobstar Wilde, an AI agent with more ambition than a caffeinated squirrel, apparently decided to empty its wallet in a single, dramatic move. Crypto Twitter, already a hotbed of chaos, erupted in a mix of awe and confusion. One might say the AI had a flair for the theatrical, though its timing was about as subtle as a sledgehammer to a glass window.

Bitcoin couldn’t stay steady above the $66,500 zone. It embarked on a fresh decline and slipped beneath the $66,000 support, with a heroic push below $65,000.

Structurally speaking, Ethereum is currently playing the role of a beleaguered knight, trailing behind its major moving averages like a loyal hound struggling to keep pace with its master. Recent recovery attempts have been as flimsy as a soufflé in a hurricane, and buyers have yet to muster the strength to reclaim their former glory. The breakdown from the previous consolidation range was met with a deluge of selling pressure, leaving ETH to meander sideways, much like a man lost in a fog of uncertainty.

The whole crypto market took a tumble, and XRP said, “Hold my beer,” and joined the party. But let’s not shed a tear just yet-there’s more to this tale than meets the eye.

According to the learned scholars of CoinGlass, over 144,839 souls were liquidated in but a day, their dreams of fortune drowned in a sea of $508 million. Ninety-two percent of these poor wretches had pinned their hopes on long positions-a folly as old as time! Meanwhile, the Crypto Fear and Greed Index, that most fickle of barometers, has plummeted to 5 out of 100. A score so pitiful, it rivals the courage of a moth leaping into a candle’s flame.

San Francisco, CA – NEAR is launching Near.com, a new crypto wallet and consumer app that aims to make blockchain technology feel as simple as using a traditional finance app, while positioning itself at the intersection of crypto and artificial intelligence (AI). Because who doesn’t want to trade Bitcoin while also coding a sentient AI?