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It’s not all doom and gloom, folks! New data from the blockchain scene hints at a stirring of life. Maybe, just maybe, the bulls will make an unexpected appearance-if the stars align and the coffee is strong enough. ☕

Binance’s press release, penned with the fervor of a revolutionary manifesto, hailed Trump as a crypto messiah. Inside the company’s lair, joy surged like spring floods-though one wonders if euphoria stems from CZ’s cleared name or the hope that regulators might finally lower their gavel. After all, who doesn’t crave a reprieve from the tyranny of compliance? 🧨

According to the Wall Street Journal report, Trump signed the pardon on Wednesday for Changpeng Zhao, the convicted founder of Binance, after expressing sympathy toward claims of political persecution against Zhao and others targeted by the Biden administration. White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt said Trump “exercised his constitutional authority” and declared that “the Biden Administration’s war on crypto is over.” The decision could pave the way for Binance’s return to the U.S. market after it pleaded guilty in 2023 to violating anti-money-laundering laws and was banned from operating domestically. Zhao, who served four months in prison before his release in September 2024, had reportedly enlisted lobbyist Ches McDowell earlier this year to aid in securing clemency. Binance did not immediately respond to requests for comment, the Journal reported.

First, Ledger-Parisian and effortlessly chic-decided that calling their device a “hardware wallet” was so last season. They’ve now decided to go with something far more mysterious: “Ledger signers.” Très avant-garde, wouldn’t you agree? Their latest little gem, the Ledger Nano Gen5, was released this Thursday with all the bells and whistles, including, of course, a bigger screen. Because who doesn’t love staring at a shiny new screen while protecting their cryptos?

The newly rebranded “masterminds” (read: CEO David Schamis and ex-Barclays bigwig Bob Diamond) are now pivoting to digital assets with the focus of a caffeinated squirrel. 🐿️ Their target? The HYPE token, which they’ve stockpiled like it’s going out of style.

“I cherish the notion of Bitcoin,” Carlson intoned, his voice heavy with the weight of moral conviction, “for it whispers of financial autonomy, a fortress against the prying eyes of the state.” Yet here lies the rub: Bitcoin, that most transparent of ledgers, records every transaction in indelible ink, visible to all yet understood by few-a paradox that would make Dostoevsky himself clutch his chest in existential dread 🤯. “To be tracked,” he lamented, “is to be enslaved,” a sentiment echoing Tolstoy’s own musings on the chains of societal conformity.

Stablecoins, once the wallflowers of finance, have twirled their way to $46T in annual transactions-now elbowing Visa and PayPal off the dance floor. 💳

On Oct. 23, Reuters dropped a bombshell: Revolut got a crypto license from Cyprus… or was it a cleverly disguised banana peel? 🍌 The MiCA framework, this “passport” to EU madness, lets Revolut sell crypto everywhere without dealing with 27 different regulatory nightmares. (Spoiler: They still cry sometimes.)

agreement across party lines. According to him, the ink on the majority of decisions may soon grace the draft text-an artifact as anticipated as a Dostoevskian plot twist.