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For a thrilling three seconds, BTC touched $99,008 – a mere technicality, really – before staggering back to the $102K comfort zone. But what’s a little volatility between friends, darling? The market took one look at macroeconomic tightening and investor jitters, gave a theatrical sigh, and said, “Right, off to the gallows we go.” 🎭

At Ripple Swell, the wise wizards of crypto declared 2025 the “year of payments”-because who needs volatile rollercoasters when you can have stable cross-border transfers? 🌉 Stablecoins, interoperability, and blockchain payments so simple even a troll could use them! Experts say crypto’s finally growing up-less moonboy, more utility. 🚀

This drama isn’t new. Last year’s U.S. election saw similar accusations, with French traders allegedly inflating Trump’s odds, rendering the market a chaotic Siren singing to the desperate gamblers. Some experts, however, assured everyone it’s just a game of arbitrage-like trying to win change from a fountain: eventual, if a bit noisy. 🎲

Willy Woo, that prophet of the blockchain, proclaimed upon the digital crossroads (known to mortals as X): “Liquidation? Nay, I perceive it not!” One might imagine him, quill in hand, scrawling these words upon parchment stained with the tears of bears. The debt, he argues, is but a paper tiger-a menagerie of convertible senior notes that Strategy may tame by offering either cash, stock, or a devil’s brew of both. A financial sleight of hand, perhaps, but one that would make even Raskolnikov raise an eyebrow. 🎩

The Associated Press, that trusty herald of the news, declared Mamdani the victor on Wednesday. He trounced the likes of former Governor Andrew Cuomo (running as an independent, no less!) and Republican Curtis Silwa. Mamdani’s campaign, you see, was all about the bread-and-butter issues-rent, childcare, and the like. His solution? Tax the top 1% until they squeal like stuck pigs. 🐷

So, Trump pardons CZ, the crypto kingpin, and suddenly the US is the “cool kid” in the blockchain playground. 🏫✨ But here’s the kicker: Trump claimed he didn’t even know who CZ was a week ago. Now he’s his biggest fan? Sure, Jan. 🤔 Meanwhile, the White House is like, “Biden’s crypto war? Over. We’re the blockchain BFFs now.” 🫂

Yet, let us not forget the giants of this realm: Tether’s USDT, with its $183 billion, and Circle’s USDC, at $76 billion. Compared to these behemoths, RLUSD is but a flea on the back of a financial elephant. Still, its rapid ascent suggests that Ripple has somehow convinced the world to take this seriously. The circulating supply is split between Ethereum ($819 million) and the XRP Ledger ($203 million), as if the universe demanded such complexity. 🌌🤦‍♂️

The next support levels for Dogecoin are at $0.15 and $0.13, but traders should be prepared for a deeper correction if BTC loses the psychological $100k level. A descent into the abyss, where even the bravest bulls tremble. 🌌💸

Davis, bless his heart, pointed out a laundry list of reasons for this crypto calamity. Apparently, exchange-traded funds (ETFs) and those big fish investors known as whales have been selling like it’s Black Friday at a fire sale. Fear, he says, is reaching a fever pitch, and we’re entering the “capitulation phase”-which sounds like something out of a bad spy novel but is actually just investors throwing their hands up and saying, “Fine, take it all!” 🙌💥

This coin, once as invincible as a tank and twice as shiny, has now officially begun its waltz into correction territory, dropping more than 22% from its peak earlier this month. Honestly, it’s practically doing the limbo – how low can you go? The betting folks at Polymarket now fancy a 51% chance that Bitcoin might stumble further to $90,000 this year. Just a month ago, that was a mere 11%. The market’s mood swings are more dramatic than a Galsworthy heroine on a bad day. 🎭