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Bitcoin (BTC) has jiggled upwards by 0.11% since yesterday, which—if you listened with the right sort of hypersensitive ear—sounds a lot like a sigh of mild relief.

“Tokenization,” pontificated the high priests Matt Hougan and Ryan Rasmussen in their latest gospel (admittedly less poetic than Faust, but far easier to trade), “is the modern-day equivalent of stuffing the family jewels, stocks, bonds, and other such trinkets into the blockchain, instead of the dusty old vaults of yesteryear.”

To put this in perspective, Binance’s Bitcoin holdings amount to a staggering 2% of the entire available supply. Yes, you read that right. Two percent! It’s enough to make one feel like a king, or at least a very wealthy duke. 🤴 But the real drama lies with Ethereum. In a single month, Binance’s ETH reserves plummeted by 285,000 ETH, or 5.34%, to 5.05 million ETH. That’s a drop that would make a stone sink in a pond. 🪨💦

ADA’s making some moves. Apparently, “whales”—which is just Ludacris for rich people in this space—are buying up ADA like it’s on sale at Costco. The market? It’s “shifting.” Which means you might make money. Or not. Who knows?

The daily trading volume for PNUT has shot up by 150% to more than $257 million, showing strong bullish sentiment for the meme coin. As if the market needed another reason to dance, Elon Musk’s tweet has provided the perfect rhythm. 🕺🕺

BONK’s price dropped 5.6% in the past 24 hours, because who needs stability, right? 😂 It’s now at $0.00002161 after a wave of selling pressure came crashing down on those poor support zones.

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To those who tremble at the thought of their Bitcoin positions, remember this: every box on the bullish checklist has been ticked. Yes, the price has yet to soar since emerging from its six-week-long bull flag, but rest assured, it’s merely a matter of time.

According to a recent release, BNY shall be the major reserve custodian of the RLUSD stablecoin. In addition, Ripple shall use BNY’s transaction banking services to support its operations and continue to provide solutions to its clients. 💼

Clearly, excitement is tied by a thousand invisible threads to the rise of Bonk.fun’s launchpad—a tool so influential, one wonders if the czars of old would have ditched land reform for a lucky mint.