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Whale Alert, that vigilant sentinel of the digital seas, cries out: “From the depths of an unknown wallet, a leviathan rises, bearing XRP to Coinbase’s shores!” 🚨🐋

In 2010, Bitcoin was worth a few cents. One year later, it hit $20. In six years, it was $17,000, and now it’s sitting at over $100K, after hitting an ATH of $123K in July. A triumph of modern finance, or a folly of the ages? Only time shall tell. 🕰️

This move, of course, is all about lowering the barriers to futures trading. Because nothing says “easy entry” like betting on the future price of something you don’t even own, with borrowed money, in a market that makes roller coasters look tame. But hey, who are we to judge? If you’re into high-stakes gambling with a side of financial wizardry, this might just be your cup of tea ☕.

The company headed by CEO Khing Oei has signed a legally binding agreement with MKB Nedsense NV, a Dutch investment firm specializing in small and medium-sized businesses, for a reverse listing on Euronext Amsterdam. Meanwhile, the Treasury, with backing from early bitcoin advocates like Tyler and Cameron Winklevoss, intends to take the lead in shaping Europe’s strategy regarding bitcoin.

After weeks of refusing to do much of anything except maybe stare at its own reflection, DOGE finally decided to break free from that tidy triangle formation. Thanks to analyst Ali Martinez, we now know this rebellion could send prices south of the border to a charming $0.17. Because what’s more fun than watching your investment drop? 😅

In a tête-à-tête with Bloomberg TV, Novogratz, with the air of a man who has glimpsed the cosmos, proclaimed the stablecoin saga is but in its infancy. “An explosion, my dear fellow,” he intoned, “is nigh upon us, whether in a year or a quinquennium.” 🌋⏳

Oh, sweet summer child! The EF claims this fire sale is to fund “research, grants, and donations” – because obviously, the best way to advance innovation is to slowly suffocate the market with a thousand tiny trades. 🐍 They’ve promised to split the sales into “smaller orders” to “reduce market impact.” Sure, Jan. We believe you. Like tossing confetti off a skyscraper won’t make a mess. 🎉

Update: Venus Protocol has been fully restored, with withdrawals and liquidations all spruced up as of 9:58PM UTC. Cheers! 🍸

And lo and behold, the lost millions were recovered under Venus’ watchful eye. The stuff of legends! ✅

See, the fancy legislation called the CLARITY Act was supposed to bring order to the wild, wild west of cryptocurrencies. Think stablecoins and all that jazz. But noooo, along comes WLFI and throws a spanner in the works-like a monkey with a calculator. 🐒🤡

more printing to pay for past printing. One might suggest a touch more fiscal responsibility, but one wouldn’t expect to be heard. The world, it seems, is content to dance on the brink of financial chaos. Pass the bonbons. 🥂 Read More 2025-09-03 09:20