qfx

The market started the week as lively as a sloth on a Sunday-meaning, not at all. Everyone’s so scared, they’re hiding under their coffee mugs.

Renato Eid, the clever clogs behind this masterstroke, scribbled in a year-end note (probably with a quill and ink, the old-fashioned darling) that Bitcoin is the bee’s knees for diversification. 🍯 Why? Because it’s as uncorrelated with traditional assets as a giraffe is with a teacup. 🦒☕ And let’s not forget its nifty trick of hedging against currency depreciation-a real lifesaver in a country where the currency does the cha-cha more often than not. 💃

Crypto.com App Referral Feature
December 2025 – Crypto.com, a global leader in cryptocurrency services because they have a logo and got funded, today announced an updated App Referral feature to expand user participation across the Crypto.com platform and enable users to earn CRO rewards through app-based referrals. Congrats! Now you can refer your uncle Sheldon who “knows a guy who mined Bitcoin in 2010” while also spending 10 minutes tracking CRO like it’s your 9-to-5 job. 🤪

As whispers of discontent swell over the Silicon Valley’s orbit, Vitalik’s plea rings out-a paean to free speech, a shield for the meek, a balm for eroded trust. Alas, the “free speech bastion” X™ seems more cage than sanctuary. 🔒

In this age where old money rubs shoulders with new coin from the ether, the tale of Tether and Juventus plays out like a clash of old souls and new dreams. Exor, the guardians of Juventus, planted their feet firmly, a clear message hanging in the air like the stench of a stale locker room: “Juventus ain’t up for grabs!”

Yeah, it bounced. Big deal. It’s like when you stand up from the couch after binge-watching three seasons of a show and say, “Alright, time to get fit!” But then you sit back down and order cookies. That’s ETH right now-trying, but not convincing anyone.

Kil, a man whose IQ is as rare as a purple cow, recently posted on Dec. 12, declaring he’d start buying XRP. A move as mysterious as a magician’s disappearing act. 🕵️♂️

XRP tried to recover above $2.120 but failed harder than a “History of the World, Part 1” sequel. Down it went, below $2.050 and $2.020, like a Brooks character tripping over their own feet. 😅

It attempted to breach ninety-two thousand, ninety-two thousand five hundred… and failed. A fitting metaphor for the human condition, wouldn’t you say? It stumbled, fell below ninety thousand five hundred. A pathetic spectacle, honestly.

Coinbase and Ripple have both pointed to the United Arab Emirates (UAE) as a global capital for crypto. Because who needs snow to pile up on the sidewalk when you can pile up data centres and blockchain? The country’s expanding role in digital assets seems to be driven partly by the fact that it has 287 camels per square kilometre and no idea what “joke” means.