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According to a slightly-too-excited-for-our-taste announcement, SOL Strategies will begin trading under the ticker STKE on NASDAQ. For those who like their stocks to sound vaguely like futuristic tech (which, of course, we all do), this is a win. But don’t worry, their stock won’t entirely abandon its humble Canadian roots. It will also continue trading on the Canadian Securities Exchange (CSE) under the ticker HODL. Yes, as in “hold on for dear life.” The irony is almost too much.

This is a step toward a unified European capital market, where the old guard and the digital pioneers might finally shake hands. 🤝

The primary cryptocurrency, after a grueling week that saw its value plummet towards the ominous $107,000 mark, seemed to rally with a newfound vigor. The bulls, those brave souls who bet on rising prices, managed to hold the line and even push back, culminating in a triumphant return to the $113,500 peak. This surge was fueled by the latest U.S. jobs report, which, in its grim portrayal of the economy, suggested that the Federal Reserve might ease up on the monetary brakes, a prospect that sent a shiver of hope through the crypto community.

Bitcoin skyrocketed toward $113,000 like a caffeinated squirrel before reality (and bad US jobs data) slapped it back down.

So, according to @DyorNetCrypto (whoever they are), SEI broke out of something called a “falling wedge formation.” Sounds fancy, right? Like when you finally break free from your gym membership contract. This breakout was backed by $120 million in trading volume, which is either impressive or terrifying depending on how you feel about crypto whales throwing money around like confetti at a parade.

Over four months-yes, just FOUR-they compounded every gain into a single Ether (ETH) long position, eventually controlling more than $303 million worth of exposure. At its peak? Their equity hit $43 million. That’s enough to buy a small island or fund your own space program. But when the market started doing what markets do best-reversing like an overeager canoeist-they closed the trade entirely, walking away with $6.86 million in cold, hard profit. Not bad for someone who could’ve been flipping burgers instead.

Buterin, with the air of a man who has seen too many moons, proclaimed that cheap stablecoin transactions are the unsung heroes of crypto’s real-world utility. 🌍💼 He suggests, with a wink and a nod, that these digital darlings are the lifeblood of cross-border remittances and payments, the very glue holding the crypto circus together. Without them, he implies, we’d all be juggling NFTs and meme coins in a clown car headed for the abyss.

Santiment data paints a bleak picture: Dogecoin whales, those behemoths with 10 million to 100 million DOGE, are fleeing like frightened rabbits. Their holdings have dwindled since July 19, when they commanded 16.85% of the total supply. Now, they’re down to 16%, a drop as subtle as a whisper in a hurricane. 🐺📉

Per CoinMarketCap’s latest episode of “Crypto Price Volatility,” ADA soared 3% after a technical breakout so bold, it makes a superhero’s origin story look tame. Large holders and ETF speculators (read: mystery whales 🐳) are allegedly fueling this rally, pushing ADA toward its $0.90 dream. If it hits that mark, its market cap could leap from $30.12B to $32.1B-enough to flip TRX, which is currently sitting at $32.06B like a smug toddler with a juice box.

Bitcoin, that fickle lover, dances to the tune of US jobs data, only to fall beneath $111,000 with the grace of a drunk ballerina 🧙‍♂️.