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Market analyst extraordinaire, Ali Martinez (aka Ali Charts), pointed out that Ethereum is snuggled up inside a symmetrical triangle on the daily chart. This isn’t your average school project-it’s a battleground of buyers versus sellers, and no one’s really winning yet.
BNB, the enfant terrible of Binance, hath reclaimed its throne at $900, a feat last witnessed in the halcyon days of December before the cruel hand of fate (or bears) dragged it into the abyss. 🏰💔
Well, slap my wallet and call me impressed! Bitmine Immersion Technologies has just announced it’s sitting on a whopping 4.14 million ETH-that’s 3.43% of the entire Ethereum supply. How’d they do it? By scooping up 32,977 ETH in the past week, which is roughly $100 million. Or, as I like to call it, “Tuesday.” 💸
But here’s the kicker: it’s not the crypto itself that’s violent, it’s the fact that more people are holding it. Like, who knew that “more users” equals “more chaos”? 🧠💥
Bitmine Immersion Technologies announced on Monday that their total assets-crypto, cash, and equity-now sit at a cool $14.2 billion. Their ethereum stash alone is 4.144 million ETH, which is roughly 3.43% of the circulating supply. Fun fact: they’re basically the Oprah of ETH-“You get some ETH, and you get some ETH, and YOU get some ETH!” 🎁
Apparently, XRP is on this “Staircase to Valhalla.” 🏰 No, it’s not a new ride at Disney World. It’s his fancy way of saying it’s gonna climb in phases, not just shoot up like a rocket. Because, you know, stairs are way more exciting than elevators. 🙄
And get this-this wasn’t just a post-ETF glow-up. Nope, XRP was already out here serving looks by mid-2025, long before those spot XRP ETFs launched in the U.S. in November. Speaking of ETFs, they raked in $1.18 billion from mid-November to early January. That’s more than your aunt’s Black Friday haul. 🛍️
In his 2026 New Year’s address, Kitao mentioned the “cryptocurrency ecosystem” as a critical component of the group’s current financial health. A most exquisite way to phrase it, wouldn’t you agree? 🤩
Last week’s close near $91,550? Highest since mid-November. Impressive! 🎉 Back in November, BTC pulled a dramatic breakup with this level, leaving investors heartbroken and meme stock traders sobbing into their yolo portfolios. Now it’s back, like an ex who suddenly remembers how great you are.
Unlike its more boisterous brethren, the price of our dear SHIB has taken a tumble of 2.51% over the past day. Oh, the humanity! 🎭💸