Binance’s CZ Makes Cryptocurrency Rich List—And Then Some! 🤯💰

According to the august pages of Forbes, July’s end sees CZ holding a staggering 64% of the 139.3 million circulating BNB—imagine that! Plus, Binance clinging tightly to another 7%, making CZ the proud possessor of approximately 89.1 million tokens. It’s like owning a small island—if islands were digital and valuable and you were a crypto demi-god with a penchant for puffed-up portfolios.

Metaplanet’s Bitcoin Bonanza: 17,000 BTC & 450% Gains!

But what caught attention was something even bigger, Metaplanet has already seen a massive 449.7% return on its Bitcoin investments in 2025 alone. Because nothing says “I’m a genius” like buying Bitcoin at $101k and watching it go up 450%. 📈

Has Bitcoin Outgrown Its Wild Youth? Why the Party May Be Over 🎉

Bloomberg’s wise man, Eric Balchunas, claims a new, somber epoch approaches. No more nightly terrors of sudden ruin or glories. No, the presence of sober ETFs and responsible gentlemen in suits will tame the beast. The delightfully sickening pendulum swings, once the only entertainment for insomniac hodlers, may start to resemble a municipal clock in Chelyabinsk: predictable, sturdy, and profoundly unexciting.

Larry David’s Take on Crypto: XRP, Solana, and Cardano’s Shaky Future 😅

XRP is currently priced at $3.18, which is like finding a decent parking spot in Manhattan. It’s got a massive market cap above $188 billion, but it’s down over 9% this week. Short-term, it’s been pretty stable, but the recent pullback suggests people are cashing out after a good run. If XRP holds above $3.00, we might see a bounce to $3.40. But if it can’t hold, it’s gonna slide to $2.85. Classic crypto: up, down, who knows? 🤷‍♂️