qfx

In a rather grand announcement on a Monday (because who doesn’t love a bit of Monday madness?), they revealed their latest Bitcoin binge. With this shiny new haul, Metaplanet now boasts a whopping 17,132 BTC! And guess what? They paid an average of 17,520,454 Japanese yen per coin, which is about $118,145. That’s a total of around $92 million! Just a pocket change, really! 💸

Just a week after its first “OMG, I just hit $800!” moment, our favorite crypto (that’s BNB, in case you forgot) was back at it again on July 28. It shot up to just over $850 and brought along its buddies for a 7.4% 24-hour party— elevating its status to the fabulous fifth spot among digital assets! 🎊

This little financial escapade was first reported by Bloomberg on July 28th. Apparently, the company didn’t feel the need to spill all the beans, but it looks like they’re betting big on price swings in Bitcoin-related securities. Think exchange-traded funds, crypto stocks, or convertible bonds—all without actually buying more Bitcoin itself (BTC). Clever? Or just cowardly? Who knows! 🤷‍♀️

Most amusingly, the ever-charismatic Elon Musk—a man who seems to have mastered the art of public intrigue—recently bestowed a fleeting mention upon VINE. Could it be that the specter of Vine will re-emerge, powered by the wonders of artificial intelligence? Who knows! It’s all very profound and filled with the absurd drama one expects from a high-stakes theatre piece.

Sam compared chatting with ChatGPT to talking to your therapist, lawyer, or doctor—except, you know, without the whole confidentiality thing. It turns out, if someone decides to sue, all that juicy info you thought was safe could end up on the courtroom floor. 😱

Now, if you’re wondering what they shelled out for this shiny digital treasure, prepare yourself: an average price of 17,520,454 yen (roughly $118,270) each! You know, pocket change when you’re dealing with sums bigger than my college debt. This grand acquisition totals around 13.666 billion yen! What a lucky number—definitely not a sign of an impending apocalypse, right?

Leading this brave expedition into the murky waters of digital coins is Senator Jeff Merkley, who on a fine Friday morning, dispatched a letter faster than you can say “I can’t believe it’s not butter,” requesting an outline of Pulte’s grand plans to assess the risks and benefits of allowing crypto to dance its way into the mortgage approval process.

The timing, as any observing soul would note, is…peculiar. Barely a year has passed since a similar misfortune befell WazirX, a competitor of no small stature. It seems the gods – or, perhaps, more accurately, the unscrupulous element – favor anniversaries for such unpleasantness. One begins to suspect a pattern, a grim and tiresome repetition of errors. 🙄

“If you were neutral on everything, in other words, you didn’t have a point of view, and you were optimizing your portfolio for the best return-to-risk ratio you would have, you would have about 15% of your money in gold or Bitcoin,” Dalio mused, probably while sipping on a fine blend of something that costs more than my car.

And let’s talk about the GENIUS Act. (Yes, that’s its real name. No, it’s not a joke.) It’s supposed to stabilize the crypto market, but let’s be real—it’s like trying to calm a toddler by giving them a Red Bull. 🥤💥 Crypto and traditional markets are now basically conjoined twins, so good luck untangling that mess. Meanwhile, Bitcoin keeps pretending it’s a hedge, but it’s really just a high-beta drama queen, following the stock market like a lost puppy. 🐶📈