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“My targets for #Crypto Bull Market: #Bitcoin – $250,000; $ETH – $10,000; $BNB – $1,800; $SOL – $1,000; $DOGE – $2; $ADA – $0.”

The 50-day EMA, once hailed as “structural”-the kind of thing analysts would toast over lifeless champagne-has grown feeble. This setup is the sort of thing only Mother Russia could admire: a hint of impending doom, a quick collapse into the $2.78-$2.70 pit, where the 100-day EMA waits stoically, both hero and last line of defense. Volume? Ah, volume, that old friend, now rolling away like Siberian tumbleweed-the only thing dropping faster is optimism. 🥲

The First Scroll: SB1797, baptized Digital Assets and Consumer Protection Act, unfurls like a bureaucratic carpet and commands:

• Let every exchange present its ledger to the Illinois Department of Financial and Professional Regulation. Bow, ye crypto-magi!
• Disclose every fee-no hidden decimals shall masquerade as miracles.
• Warn the faithful: coins may vanish, wallets may lock, and insurance may flee faster than a Moscow creditor in winter.

The stock briefly flirted with optimism as the markets opened, but by day’s end, it slumped to a meager $2.58, erasing a week’s gains-Google Finance’s ledger bore witness to this melancholy descent. 📉

Let’s put on our detective hats and see what’s fact, what’s fiction, and what’s just a wild guess from someone who probably hasn’t even read the fine print.

Apparently, a distressing 13% of borrowers have been nudged, poked, and ultimately thrown headlong into liquidation, all because the rules are about as clear as a foggy London night. If you already have a loan, you may tiptoe towards an extension or pay it back, but as for new loans-absolutely not, dear reader.

As of the latest tally, ETH is holding on at $4,280, down 5.7% in the last 24 hours. That’s nearly $500 lower than its recent peak, but hey, who’s counting? Traders, apparently. And analysts. And anyone with access to a trading screen, really.

XRP stayed in the bearish zone after a close below $3.20, just like its buddies Bitcoin and Ethereum. It’s like they’re all at a pity party. 🎈😢 The price dove below $3.10 and even took a nosedive below $3.00. Ouch! It tested the $2.950 support zone, hit a low of $2.941, and then tried to recover like a cat falling off a couch. 🐱🛋️

Their weekly report, a document as thick as a farmer’s calloused hand, revealed that digital asset investment products saw net outflows of $223 million last week. This halt in the flow of greenbacks was attributed to a shift in investor sentiment, particularly after some key US macroeconomic events. You know, those things that make Wall Street traders sweat like they’ve just run a marathon in a wool suit.

Ah, Chainlink (LINK), that darling of the blockchain ball, has risen over 18% in a mere week, now waltzing around $25. It broke through a stubborn resistance zone between $20 and $21-a feat as impressive as convincing your neighbor to stop borrowing your ladder without asking. This area had been rejecting prices faster than a snobbish gatekeeper since early 2025.