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All loans are backed by Metaplanet’s Bitcoin stash, which boasts a hefty 30,823 BTC, valued at roughly $2.7 billion-enough to make a Gold Rush look like a coin toss. 🪙💸

The valorous FLOKI/USD chart shows the token tiptoeing around 0.00004889, as if afraid to go too far, lest the market bellow “Not so fast!” after weeks of suffering from a bad case of downside pressure. Rumors swirl about mild upward attempts – like a tired snail climbing a mountain – with candles merrily forming higher lows, yet resistance lurks stubbornly at 0.00004950, probably sipping tea and chuckling. 🐢

This declaration arrives as the company’s stock, once a darling of the markets, has tumbled by 49%, leaving investors clutching their portfolios like lifeboats in a storm. And now, the specter of exclusion from MSCI indices looms, a decision awaited with the dread of a Siberian winter by January 2026. ❄️📉

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GCV Rumors (2023’s Most Creative Fantasy) Blamed on a Date: November 28th or “The Day Pi Tried to Be a Zillow Listing.”

At Square’s investor day-a gathering where men in expensive suits nod gravely at PowerPoint slides-Dorsey faced the question of the century. Jeff Cantwell, an analyst with the audacity of a Soviet-era interrogator, demanded: “Jack, are you Satoshi Nakamoto?” Dorsey, ever the Zen monk of evasion, shrugged. “Who cares?” he muttered, as if discussing the weather. “Bitcoin belongs to the people now.” Classic Satoshi behavior-deflecting like a KGB agent at a tea party. ☕

The sharp deflation of these delusional assets, he argues, is but a salutary cough in the grand theater of capital-a way to dissent from the “irrational exuberance” of the unwashed masses. Truer words were never spoken with such a smug tone. 🚀

Aggregated open interest, that ever-fickle companion, took a nosedive from 227 million to a mere 226.3 million. A decline so slight, it’s as if the market yawned and said, “Meh.” This, paired with a falling price, suggests traders are closing positions like a disgruntled barkeep shutting down a pub. 🍻

This commendation is akin to a grand parade for the township of prediction markets in this land of freedom. Now, the American folks can wager their bets on the vagaries of the future through those stodgy traditional brokerages and futures commission merchants, availing themselves under the stern gaze of laws meant for the older, more established exchanges. Oh, what times we are living in! 🤓

The company, with the enthusiasm of a salesman hawking snake oil at a county fair, informed TopMob that users can now send stablecoins directly to banks in Nigeria and Mexico. No intermediaries, no fuss-just pure, unadulterated financial convenience (or so they claim).