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Recent data from CryptoQuant reveals that Bitcoin’s fancy metric, the MVRV, stands at a modest 39%. This figure is like that indifferent uncle who neither praises nor criticizes-just a neutral face in a sea of chaos. It compares Bitcoin’s current value to what people’ve already ‘realized,’ adjusting for how wild the ride has been lately. When this number hovers around this zone, it’s like the market’s pressing the pause button-resting between euphoria and despair, like a cat eyeing a mouse but not pouncing yet.

The ECF, bless their cotton socks, has rolled out this newfangled contraption with the noble aim of restoring ETH’s status as the belle of the blockchain ball. It seems the good folks over at Ethereum have been having a spot of bother convincing everyone that scarcity is still a thing worth fussing about. Enter BETH, stage left, ready to put on a show.

The original text is quite formal, so I need to inject sarcasm and humor. For example, instead of “cementing its dominance,” maybe “flexing its financial pecs” or something playful. Use emojis to add flair but not overdo it.

Meet Spiro, the legal eagle with a Rolodex that’s more star-studded than the Hollywood Walk of Fame! Musk, Jay-Z, Alec Baldwin-he’s the go-to guy for celebrity risk. And let’s not forget, he shut down that Dogecoin manipulation suit against Musk faster than you can say “to the moon!” 🚀 If anyone can convince institutions that DOGE isn’t a litigation piñata, it’s this guy. 🎉

This cheeky platform has pirouetted into buying back over 16.5 billion PUMP tokens, each pocket-sized at a dazzling average price of $0.003785. Daily buybacks have flirted between $1.3 million and $2.3 million, all footed by lovely users paying fees just to launch their wild memecoin dreams. Charming, isn’t it?

Despite all the efforts, the $50 resistance remains as stubborn as ever. It’s as though every buyer who dares to push past it is met with an army of sellers ready to remind them that $50 isn’t for the faint-hearted. If you’ve ever felt the crushing weight of an obstacle, well, Hyperliquid is feeling it now.

XRP, that enigmatic creature, has donned the cloak of consolidation after a recent rollercoaster that sent it tumbling below $3. Once it soared to $3.65, a glittering peak in July, only to retreat to the shadowy realm of $2.8. The market murmurs: is this a prelude to a grand finale or a bureaucratic snafu? 😂

Ah, the zettahash-a word that rolls off the tongue like a sledgehammer through silk. Bitcoin’s hashrate, that relentless hum of digital toil, now roars at a pace of one sextillion hashes per second. One sextillion! A number so large it makes the oceans seem like puddles and the stars mere specks of dust. Presently, the seven-day simple moving average (SMA) places it between 998 and 1,000 exahashes per second, teetering on the edge of a single zettahash. One ZH/s, my dear reader, is a 1 followed by 21 zeros-a number so absurd it could only be the brainchild of a mathematician with too much time on his hands. 🤯

For those playing the home game, this isn’t just a sleepy new milestone. CryptoQuant, who seem to spend their days staring at blockchain metrics like they’re waiting for tea to boil, kindly informed us this stash tosses last year’s high-water mark of $59 billion (achieved in the halcyon days of February 2022, when BUSD was still strutting around) straight into the digital dustbin. Just to spice things up, reserves have pulled a dramatic Houdini, more than doubling since their October 2023 nap, thanks to a $28 billion bump after Donald Trump’s election win. Who knew crypto markets cared about politics? Turns out, they do-especially when they can ride the news like a bored teenager commandeering a shopping trolley.

Quant à notre cher Bitcoin, le roi des crypto-monnaies, il trébucha de 1,15% pour s’établir à 108 455 dollars, comme un vieux comédien sur le déclin, avec un volume de 70,6 milliards, prouvant que même le sommet ne peut échapper à sa propre chute.