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Move over, Bitcoin and Ethereum! Story Protocol [IP] has waltzed onto the crypto stage like a drunken uncle at a wedding-except this guy knows exactly what he’s doing! 😎 On the 31st of August, IP didn’t just top the charts; it moonwalked past them while BTC and ETH were busy playing “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” 🦶🌕

Among the most notable additions were Ondo’s OUSG tokenized treasury fund, Guggenheim’s digital commercial paper, and Ctrl Alt’s tokenized real estate-each more perplexing than the last. It’s as if the blockchain decided to host a gala for the world’s most confused investors.

This newborn, christened AMBTS, shall grace the halls of Amsterdam’s Euronext stock exchange, its cradle already lined with the full €20.3 million from investors who, like moths to a flame, could not resist. 🕯️💼

As the Bitcoin weekend started, the market turned into that one friend who’s always late to brunch-just hanging out, being all *stable* while making absolutely no effort to break above that oh-so-important $110,000 line. Seriously, it’s like watching a goal kick miss by a mile.

In a splendid sortie that could only be orchestrated by the stalwart guardians of Shiba lore, Susbarium, a veritable sleuth of the Shibarium, did lift their top hat and twill to issue a vital bit of advice to the fragrant fragrance community. Pay heed, my dear chums! There lurk in the wilds of the great digital expanse, fiendish sites and messages most foul, preying upon those of you holding the treasured LEASH and other Shiba Inu ecosystem tokens.

As CryptoPotato delicately observed last week, Pi Network has decided to treat Linux as more than an afterthought. Their new Node software now graces Windows, Mac, and-brace yourselves-Linux. The Core Team insists this will fortify their “decentralized backbone,” while preparing for a protocol upgrade from version 19 to 23. One must admire their ambition, even if their timeline resembles a drunken waltz.

Observe the chart: a tapestry of rounded consolidations, where prices huddle like nervous debutantes before a ball. In prior cycles, these timid clusters erupted into brief gallops-toward $0.00001698, then $0.00002052, as if emboldened by cheap champagne and delusions of grandeur. Yet each ascent fizzled, for the heavens (or $0.00002501) remained unscalable. A tragedy, or perhaps a farce? 🕯️

Now, we’re drowning in over 6,000 claims worth a casual $140 million, but wait for it… magically ballooned to over $1 billion. Spoiler alert: those aren’t Monopoly money-real people’s college savings, dogecoin dreams, and “retirement someday” funds got vaporized. 🎭

Miners, once the kings of the blockchain, now find themselves in a situation where their paychecks are thinner than a toaster strudel. “If we don’t get more fees, we’ll be mining for a living,” they sigh, while the rest of us enjoy the benefits of cheaper transactions. 🧠💸

Cardano (ADA) has, in a fit of apparent ennui, declined by 1.08% in the last 24 hours. One imagines the traders at their desks, bereft and clutching their spreadsheets, muttering “Not again,” with the weary resignation of a gamekeeper at a country estate overrun by foxes. 🦊