Who’s Holding the Bag? Bitcoin’s Secret Owners Revealed!

Looking across major ownership categories, Arkham’s verified on-chain data shows that the largest individual holder remains Bitcoin’s pseudonymous creator, Satoshi Nakamoto. Nakamoto’s wallets contain 1,096,358 BTC, valued at approximately $75 billion, representing 5.5% of the total supply. How’s that for a midlife crisis? Satoshi’s probably out there sipping espresso and smirking, “I told you I’d never be found.”

Warren Warns Against Bitcoin Bailout: A Regency Ruse

By a letter bearing date the nineteenth of February, in the year two thousand and twenty-six, the Honourable Miss Warren addressed Secretary Scott Bessent of the Treasury, and the Chairman of the Federal Reserve, Jerome Powell, with a tone at once grave and sly, warning that to deploy public funds for Bitcoin’s restoration would be a most improper subsidy to a capricious market, which hath lately fallen by about one half to sixty percent from October’s lofty heights, and hath even brushed the vicinity of sixty thousand dollars for a fleeting moment.

Cosmic Coin Clash: Senate Stalls, CEO Gambles on Galactic Regulation

Speaking on CNBC at the World Liberty Forum (a venue suspiciously close to Mar-a-Lago, which is perhaps just a fancy name for a time-traveling iguana’s vacation home), Armstrong declared lawmakers would eventually “deliver” a solution. He described this as a “win-win” for crypto, banks, and consumers-though it’s unclear if the latter two have been consulted or if they’re just collateral in this regulatory chess game.

Bitcoin Plummets Past $70K Amid ETF Billions-Free Fall or False Alarm?

The $70,000 mark, a number so psychologically important it could make a mathematician weep, has been trampled by weeks of selling pressure. If this were a movie, Bitcoin would be the hero tied to the railroad tracks, and the villains are currently debating whether to drop the train or just leave a note.

Cryptocurrency’s Tragic Ballet: BTC and XRP Waltz into the Red

The altcoins, those lesser ballerinas, follow suit in their melancholy waltz. Ethereum, ever the tragic heroine, briefly touched the $2,000 threshold, only to be cast back into the shadows. XRP, poor soul, has fared even worse, shedding nearly 5% of its luster, now lingering just above $1.40. Solana, too, has fallen, its once-bright flame dimmed to $82.