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Ah, the delightful world of journalism, where papers are printed on a diet of mischief and half-truths! CZ recently threatened to send Bloomberg a formal invitation to court after they produced what (in his view) was a “hit piece”—not the kind you’d find on a pop music chart, mind you, but a veritable casserole of factual blunders, embellished like a dwarf’s beard at a pub contest.

The esteemed CEO Siguang Peng proclaimed that Ethereum has “emerged as the foundation of on-chain USD settlement and value transfer.” This feels oddly reminiscent of my neighbor’s claim that their pet iguana is the world’s next famous art critic. 🌍

BREAKING: President Trump announces 30% tariff on the European Union and Mexico.

Ripple’s stealing the spotlight again, Ethereum’s cozying up to corporate giants, and the Fed might need some therapy after all this drama.

Amidst the fretting, crypto analyst Dr. Altcoin steps forward with the kind of optimism usually reserved for someone hoping their lottery ticket might actually win. He postulates that these delays are mere threads in a grand tapestry, one that might just shield Pi’s future from the stormy seas of market chaos.

According to the updated settlement portal, the company will provide this compensation to those who were affected by the cybersecurity attack, which occurred in February 2024. One can only imagine the countless hours of anxiety and frustration that ensued as hackers merrily danced through Prudential’s systems, making off with sensitive information such as names, dates of birth, account numbers, Social Security numbers, driver’s license numbers, addresses, phone numbers, and email addresses 📝.

As the price frolics near its lofty heights, analysts, with an alarming enthusiasm resembling that of a schoolboy in a sweet shop, now gaze longingly towards the ambitious target of $135K. It appears our dear Bitcoin market is preparing for a monumental shift—stay with me as we delve into the reasons therein—if you can bear the suspense! 🎢🌟

Among these magical tokens, Virtuals Protocol, Ethena, and Dogwifhat stand out like the Oompa-Loompas of the crypto world, ready to deliver the goods. Let’s dive into the enchanting world of these tokens and see what makes them tick. 🎩✨

YZi Labs, a global investment firm with a $10 billion portfolio across web3, AI, and biotech, announced its support for 10X Capital’s latest initiative: the launch of the BNB Treasury Company. This new U.S.-based firm will focus on BNB asset accumulation and ecosystem support, with plans to pursue a public listing on a major U.S. stock exchange.

At the epicenter of this legislative maelstrom are three major proposals, each a veritable tempest in its own teapot. The GENIUS Act, having already secured the Senate’s seal of approval, is on the cusp of becoming the nation’s first law to govern the enigmatic world of stablecoins. This act seeks to establish a clear and coherent framework for the issuance and oversight of these digital tokens, thereby providing the sector with the long-sought-after legal certainty it so desperately craves. Complementing this is the CLARITY Act, a legislative marvel designed to resolve the jurisdictional quagmire that has long plagued the relationship between the SEC and the CFTC, delineating with surgical precision the regulatory boundaries of each.