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Meanwhile, the government’s nervous pen is sketching a “secure” framework—because nothing says trust like carefully crafting rules around a digital wild west.

Things looked promising: three new laws—CLARITY and GENIUS, no less—came to the rescue, promising clearer skies for digital assets. ProShares, in a daring move, filed for an XRP futures ETF, while eleven other asset managers decided to take a gamble on XRP’s future. Traders, with uncharacteristic optimism, are even yawning at an 88% chance of approval for a spot XRP ETF by December 2025—because nothing says reliable like a number in the high 80s, right?

Ah, Ethereum [ETH], the enfant terrible of the crypto world, gallops through Q3 with a 46.62% ROI, its price lingering around $3,640 like a guest overstaying his welcome. 🏇💨

Source –SP Global

Picture this: It’s May 2024, and our hero, Jarett Dunn, much like a raccoon with a particularly shiny object, decided to drain the Pump.fun platform of nearly $2 million in SOL, deftly scattering it across a collection of wallets like confetti at a very niche tech convention. I mean, who doesn’t love a good sprinkle of stolen wealth, particularly to holders of Solana memecoins or NFTs! 🎉

The firm, residing in the rather distant Cayman Islands—a location one suspects is chosen for reasons beyond mere geographical convenience—has formally presented its intentions to the Securities and Exchange Commission. Their ambition? To trade under the rather unwieldy ticker symbol ‘BLSH.’ One trusts the gentlemen involved have considered the potential for confusion.

Garlinghouse is calling it a turning point for digital assets in the US, a bold step toward regulatory clarity that might just put America back on top of the fintech game. Or, you know, maybe it’s just another act of genius… or is it? 🤷‍♂️

Among the luminaries present were the likes of David Ripley, co-CEO of Kraken, the Winklevoss twins of Gemini, Brian Armstrong of Coinbase, Jeremy Allaire of Circle, Paolo Ardoino of Tether, and Vladimir Tenev of Robinhood. Each name carried the weight of a new era, a time where the digital and the tangible merge in the grand tapestry of commerce.

Paolo Ardoino, Tether’s CEO, seems thrilled about President Trump’s recent signing, calling it a “pivotal milestone.” Translation: Now we can all pretend we understand blockchain while sipping lattes. 🎉 He insists regulation is the key to innovation, which is like saying a jigsaw puzzle is the key to not setting your house on fire. Still, it’s reassuring to know lawmakers are finally catching up to the fact that money can be digital. Or maybe they’re just Googling “blockchain” and copying-pasting the first definition. 🤔

Grayscale’s latest crypto snapshot paints a picture so rosy for Cardano, you’d think they were advertising a new skincare line! 🌹 With a whopping 21.9% gain this week, ADA is strutting its stuff as the third top performer, outshining big names like Ethereum, Dogecoin, and even Bitcoin! What’s next? Cardano on the cover of Vogue?!