qfx

At a recent court hearing, Assistant U.S. Attorney Rehn, with the solemnity of a preacher, dropped the bombshell that Schmidt and others were under investigation. The journalist Eleanor Terrett, ever the digital scribe, took to social media to spread the news. But the prosecutor, with a nod to secrecy, asked that the transcripts remain hidden from the public eye. A request that spoke volumes about the delicate, tangled web of secrets that the DOJ is navigating.

Ethena [ENA] decided it was done sulking and whipped out a 27% rally during trading on July 25th, all because analysts suddenly remembered it existed and started showering it with optimism like Aunt Mabel after three sherries at Christmas. 

The on-chain data, performing a cha-cha of growing adoption and bustling trading volumes, suggests the fundamentals are less a house of cards and more a carefully arranged tableau—minus the dust and cobwebs. Meanwhile, traders, ever the skeptical spectators at the circus, are fixated on the next act in this rapidly evolving crypto melodrama.

According to the Argentine media Clarin, Davis made these remarks in a filing before Judge Jennifer L. Rochon of the Southern District of New York. Fans of Argentine President Javier Milei had been promoting the LIBRA token online earlier this year, only for its value to skyrocket and then nosedive faster than a pigeon startled by a loud noise. This left many investors clutching their pearls and muttering something about fraud. 😱

$HBAR is now available to trade on Robinhood.

On July 25, bitcoin (BTC) took a nosedive below $115,000, sending a flurry of long positions to the great beyond. But fear not, my fellow speculators, for this little hiccup was as short-lived as a politician’s promise. By the end of the day, BTC had righted itself, closing above $116,000, and even managed to climb a bit further the next morning, peaking at $118,236 at about 5:30 a.m. EST on July 26. Talk about a wild week!

On Saturday, in what can only be described as a David-vs.-Goliath moment, a solo miner uncovered block height 907283. And according to mining enthusiasts who track these things obsessively, this digital hero did it all with a laughably small slice of hashpower. “Another Solominer just found a block,” tweeted the X account Solomining here. “The lucky guy had a total Hashrate of 48.3 TH/s coming from a single worker. So no, it wasn’t some fancy Bitaxe contraption—but hey, still smaller than your grandma’s microwave!” 🍲

This fine upstanding employee of Truist Bank apparently had a real knack for playing online detective, because she started her little money-laundering escapade back in 2023, gathering information like it was a penny drive at your local church—only this time, she was the one pocketing all the change.

You see, diligent crypto custodians are suddenly basking in the glow of popularity, courtesy of a string of unusually brazen escapades—from polite requests to hand over one’s Bitcoin to sharper, more assertive negotiations involving forceful wrenches. One almost imagines a scene in a raucous comedy, with overzealous assailants wielding tools straight from a mechanic’s toolkit!

Bitcoin, once a sneaky rabbit in a magician’s hat, is now strutting around as a legitimate treasury endeavor in Asia. On that fateful day of July 23, Quantum Solutions stood tall, like a samurai preparing for battle, announcing its grand plan to purchase these precious Bitcoins—valued at a staggering $350 million—over the next year. It’s a daring quest to bolster their treasury and, who knows, perhaps secure a spot among the legends of corporate lore. 🏯💪