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Picture Ethereum as the life of the party, once again cooking up an upgrade to spice things up. At the moment, Sequence is acting all high and mighty, waving around their tools and shoving infrastructure down everyone’s throat as if to say, “Prepare thyself, Fusaka is coming.” And Fusaka is like that friend you’re excited to see, but you sort of dread what they might do… like abstruse blockchain shenanigans. 🎭 Let’s just chalk this one up to superhero fuel for developers in the future! 🦸‍♂️

Just the other day, Ripple decided to spill the metaphorical beans, announcing that the XRP Ledger (XRPL) has managed to wrangle itself a rather impressive title in the bizarro world of institutional decentralized finance (DeFi). It has feverishly sprinted past the monumental boundary of $1 billion in monthly stablecoin transactions, becoming a notable player among the world’s top 10 chains all while juggling real-world asset antics. How splendid! 🎉

So, our friendly crypto expert, Ripple Bull Winkle (@RipBullWinkle) over on X, is pointing out that HBAR is sitting at $0.21-just chilling at the lower Bollinger Band. This is basically a “hey, bears are still in charge” situation, but… hold on, we could see a bounce. Because, you know, when something’s oversold, it sometimes just… bounces back. Not always, but sometimes. 🙄

Open Interest hit $18 million (the market’s wallet is getting fatter), Funding Rates stayed positive (like a grumpy cat who’s had enough of your nonsense), Spot Netflow $306K (a trickle in a hurricane). Still, the dream of $2 lingers, like a ghost in a teacup. ☕

Old Walter White, the chap with the keen eye, points out that AVAX has toddled back to its breakout area, testing the $27 to $28 range like a nervous debutante at her first ball. If it holds, we’re in for a spot of resistance-turned-support jollity. But if it fails? Well, it’s downhill faster than a Jeeves-driven getaway car. 🚗💨

September, that wily minx, has neither dazzled nor devastated. Over the past fortnight, bitcoin has dipped a modest 5.5%, a reminder that even the most buoyant spirits must trudge through the muck. Yet, with a whispered gain of roughly 1% penciled in for the month, according to the sages at Coinglass, the faithful already turn their gaze to October-the month that has birthed a thousand green candles in its twelve-year reign.

James Wynn, the masked oracle behind a billion-dollar wager earlier this year, is back with a new spell. This time he’s casting a leveraged long on ASTER, right after his last incantation left him liquidated on the same token-because timing is everything and everything is volatile, apparently. 🧙‍♂️💸

According to Ash Crypto (a name that now feels both aspirational and deeply ironic), the recent crypto crash is less a crisis and more a “technical inevitability.” In a post that could have been titled “How to Panic-Sell in 10 Easy Steps,” he blamed the carnage on options expiries worth $23 billion-because nothing says “confidence” like a $23 billion deadline. Whales, those enigmatic market titans, are allegedly nudging prices toward “max pain” levels: $110,000 for Bitcoin, $3,700 for Ethereum, and $0.23 for Dogecoin. Retailers, predictably, are selling their socks off. 🧦📉

Historically, this period is the financial equivalent of a Monday morning – no one likes it. But this time, a few extra catalysts decided to join the party. 🎉 On Friday, $17 billion in options expired, with max pain at $110,000. Because, of course, the spot price needed a gravitational pull. 🌌

So here’s the scoop: Crypto mining firm TeraWulf (WULF) is aiming to raise a whopping $3 billion in debt to expand its data center operations. And guess who’s helping? Oh, just a little company called Google, you know, the ones who own pretty much everything, including 14% of TeraWulf. Because why wouldn’t Google throw its money at a company mining crypto and sucking up all the electricity in sight? 😅