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Our dear friend Bitcoin (BTC) seems to be having a rather unexciting day. Its price is practically glued to yesterday’s closing bar, as if it’s afraid of stepping out into the big, scary world!

While gold and silver ascended to giddy heights-$5K and $110, respectively-Bitcoin plummeted to $86k, threatening to retest its recent nadir of $80.6k. One can almost hear the wails of the crypto faithful, their HODL mantras now whispered in despair.

a credit risk rating of “1-2” or higher from designated agencies, and issuers whose total bond issuance reaches the 100 trillion yen minimum. It is a precise crafting of guardianship, as if the state were shaping a shield for the currency’s future.

This was nearly the same haul as in Q3, a stubborn echo that rubs the jaw a little: a year of buying that rivaled the appetite of central banks, as gold climbed to new summits and broke the old, polite thresholds. The metal’s mood is bold; the mood of the markets, perhaps, is fatigued and amused in equal measure.

Jesse Pollak, the mastermind behind the Coinbase-backed Layer 2 network Base (BASE), hath taken to the digital pulpit to denounce the very idea of meddling with token prices. “Illegal!” he cries, his voice echoing through the halls of crypto. “It would undermine the sacred integrity of the market!” And thus, he stands, a beacon of virtue in a sea of schemers.

Apparently, according to someone called Darkfrost, who sounds like a moderately disgruntled weather forecaster, these stablecoins have been experiencing “outflows”. Frankly, one assumes they’ve simply decided to take a holiday. Possibly to a less volatile jurisdiction. Possibly to a server farm in Antarctica. One doesn’t ask too many questions.

A certain Mr. ‘Darkfost’ – a name evocative of shadowy corners and perhaps a predilection for excessively strong tea – informs us that this ‘hashrate,’ as they term it, has descended from a respectable 1.133 ZH/s to a rather paltry 690 EH/s in a mere two days. One wonders if Mr. Darkfost issued this proclamation whilst huddled over a samovar, bemoaning the general absurdity of it all.

Hong Kong leads the region, launching Asia’s first spot for Bitcoin [BTC] and Ethereum [ETH] ETFs in 2024. Because nothing says “innovation” like being the first to try something that might not work.

Let us, with a weary sigh, examine the horrors to come.

These things went live on Monday, naturally. 4:13 PM ET, to be precise. As if the universe adheres to Eastern Time.