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Mind you, the EVM isn’t just wires and code—it’s every hope, argument, and moonshot hustle baked into Ethereum since birth. It’s the mule everyone loves to complain about but can’t imagine loading a wagon without. So talk of swapping it out for RISC-V, a plucky open-source instruction set that seems tailor-made for tinkerers and mad scientists, sent a nervous current through the shantytown digital frontier.

This surge in open interest, a curious dance of hope and despair, whispers of a potential rebound, though one might question whether it is the market’s optimism or sheer desperation that fuels this spectacle. 🕵️‍♂️

In a gesture of peculiar modern patriotism, the Plan B consortium—ever eager to blend civic pride with blockchain fervor—erected this marble homage to Bitcoin’s ghostly patriarch last October. Little did they know, the specter of absurdist art theft was afoot! 🎭

The layers of disappearing stripes were only empty ground where the illusion of Satoshi, the pseudonymous creator of Bitcoin, fading into code stood since late 2024. It was unveiled on October 25, 2024, at Plan B’s Bitcoin forum, as Swiss-Tether and Lugano raced to brand the city a global Bitcoin hub. Because, you know, Bitcoin needs a physical presence… or a statue… or something 🤷‍♂️.

In the meantime, Ripple Labs is out here expanding like it’s a startup on a caffeine drip. Corporations and even the US government (yes, you heard that right) are scrambling to add XRP to their digital portfolios like it’s the hottest thing since sliced bread. You know, just a casual attempt to balance their treasuries. Nothing to see here.

Viewed in the weekly light (which, let’s be honest, flickers like a Soviet lamp), XRP’s collapse beneath $3 feels less like a surprise and more like the universe muttering, “Did you really expect better?” With a single candle’s red glare as its testimony, bearish divergence hovers above the chart—if you looked any closer, you’d smell the borscht of inevitability. More downside? Sideways tedium? Either way, those dreaming of riches are left to ponder the virtues of patience… or resignation. 🤷‍♂️

Tradition, Atkins argued, is like last year’s winter coat: worn, dusty, inherited from one’s grandfather, and deeply incompatible with blockchain. “We will not do what we always did,” howled Atkins, waving a copy of securities law circa 1933, which promptly disintegrated into dust. America, he insisted, would by sheer force of will become lord and proprietor of distributed ledgers—whether the rest of the world was ready or not, or whether anyone asked for it in the first place. 🇺🇸✨

Bilal Bin Saqib—Pakistan’s Minister of State for *cough* “Crypto and Blockchain”—had a nice little Zoom chat with Kyrgyzstan’s Farkhat Aminov. They agreed to:

On the most illustrious social media platform, X (formerly known as Twitter, which seems to be a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma), U.S. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent confidently declared on August 1 that America has joyfully leaped into a transformative period for blockchain innovation. He described this epoch as a pivotal era for digital assets, as if they were the star of a particularly dull play. 🎭