qfx Now, if you’re wondering what they shelled out for this shiny digital treasure, prepare yourself: an average price of 17,520,454 yen (roughly $118,270) each! You know, pocket change when you’re dealing with sums bigger than my college debt. This grand acquisition totals around 13.666 billion yen! What a lucky number—definitely not a sign of an impending apocalypse, right?
Leading this brave expedition into the murky waters of digital coins is Senator Jeff Merkley, who on a fine Friday morning, dispatched a letter faster than you can say “I can’t believe it’s not butter,” requesting an outline of Pulte’s grand plans to assess the risks and benefits of allowing crypto to dance its way into the mortgage approval process.
The timing, as any observing soul would note, is…peculiar. Barely a year has passed since a similar misfortune befell WazirX, a competitor of no small stature. It seems the gods – or, perhaps, more accurately, the unscrupulous element – favor anniversaries for such unpleasantness. One begins to suspect a pattern, a grim and tiresome repetition of errors. 🙄
“If you were neutral on everything, in other words, you didn’t have a point of view, and you were optimizing your portfolio for the best return-to-risk ratio you would have, you would have about 15% of your money in gold or Bitcoin,” Dalio mused, probably while sipping on a fine blend of something that costs more than my car.
And let’s talk about the GENIUS Act. (Yes, that’s its real name. No, it’s not a joke.) It’s supposed to stabilize the crypto market, but let’s be real—it’s like trying to calm a toddler by giving them a Red Bull. 🥤💥 Crypto and traditional markets are now basically conjoined twins, so good luck untangling that mess. Meanwhile, Bitcoin keeps pretending it’s a hedge, but it’s really just a high-beta drama queen, following the stock market like a lost puppy. 🐶📈
According to the august pages of Forbes, July’s end sees CZ holding a staggering 64% of the 139.3 million circulating BNB—imagine that! Plus, Binance clinging tightly to another 7%, making CZ the proud possessor of approximately 89.1 million tokens. It’s like owning a small island—if islands were digital and valuable and you were a crypto demi-god with a penchant for puffed-up portfolios.
But what caught attention was something even bigger, Metaplanet has already seen a massive 449.7% return on its Bitcoin investments in 2025 alone. Because nothing says “I’m a genius” like buying Bitcoin at $101k and watching it go up 450%. 📈
On the 24th of July, the illustrious Justin Sun, with his bravado reminiscent of a circus ringmaster, rang the Nasdaq bell to announce Tron’s debut. Little did the audience know, behind the melodrama lurked impressive milestones that just might whisper louder than the fanfare.
In what can only be described as an “urgent cry for help,” Storm took to X (formerly known as Twitter, lest we forget) on July 26, lamenting that his legal expenses are “piling up faster than a blockchain grows.”
So there you have it—a week filled with enough drama to rival a Bulgakov novel. Until next time, stay sharp, stay skeptical, and remember: in crypto, truth is stranger than fiction. 🌟📚
