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Let me put it all together now, making sure each part is infused with humor and sarcasm, and the title is clickbait and under 100 characters.

This jolly jig coincided with Bitcoin’s stubborn perch near $110,000, evoking a resilience that mocks the tempestuous seas of gain, thus infusing the mining mob with a pulse of unfounded bravado. Behold, the collated worth of these listed alchemists has now vaulted beyond $90 billion – twice the trifle of August, because why not inflate our egos along with our portfolios? 😂

Veteran economist and Bitcoin critic, Peter Schiff, has been particularly vocal-much like an unruly toddler in a quiet library. He seized Twitter (ahem, X) to analyze the flash crash, stating the abrupt plummet was as much a sell signal as it was a headache. From dizzying heights above $122,000 to a more grounded $102,000 in one day, Schiff warned it was less of a “juicy buying opportunity” and more of a critical “Do not enter!” sign. 🚫💸

It’s like Solana just got a pep talk from a life coach: traders are back to betting big, dusting off their volatility-induced anxiety, and going long. Go team! 🎉

It seems that the once underdog of the crypto world is no longer just a pet project for crypto fanatics with too much free time. According to the Dogecoin Foundation, things are getting real as House of DOGE-yes, that’s actually what it’s called-pursues a glorious NASDAQ listing. *Gasp!* Who would’ve thought that a joke coin would start rubbing elbows with serious investors? But hey, at least it’s not your grandma’s “I’ve lost my keys” crypto anymore. 😎

Should the stars align and the OCC grant its blessing, Sony’s new venture, the enigmatic Connectia Trust NA, shall plant its banner in the heart of New York and plunge into the tempestuous seas of stablecoin issuance and digital asset custody. 🌪️💼 Lo, it is Sony’s proclamation that they are no longer content with merely entertaining the masses-they seek to bankroll the blockchain revolution! 📈🔗

Steph, with the gravity of a prophet, declared that XRP’s weekly dance mirrors the 2020-2021 waltz of ruin, where prices soared while the RSI, that fickle heart, faltered. A bearish divergence, he warned-a price climbing higher, yet the RSI sinking lower, like a lover’s sigh fading into silence. This, he claimed, was the prelude to exhaustion, a warning that the bulls’ might was waning, and the bears’ claws were poised.

Ce discours survint alors que Binance, comme un comble, se voyait accusé de pratiques tarifaires exorbitantes après qu’un certain CJ Tech eût exposé, avec une verve shakespearienne, les exigences de l’échange : airdrops, dépôts sécurisés, et autres faveurs réservées aux HODLers de BNB. 😬

“Now, don’t get too excited,” Coinbase cautioned, with all the enthusiasm of a cat reluctantly taking a bath. “The launch of trading for these assets depends on the elusive market-making support, and we’ll need the technical infrastructure to match.” In plain English-no, they won’t start selling BNB until the stars align and the universe gives them a thumbs up.

Ah yes, Zeta Network Group (Nasdaq: ZNB) has-no surprise here-proudly announced this grandiose venture: a $231 million private investment in public equity (PIPE) transaction. Their magnificent plan? To shore up their balance sheet with the precious asset, bitcoin. Naturally, such an offering can only be paid in Bitcoin (BTC) or solvBTC-because why settle for less when you can have all the allure of a wrapped token in your grasp?