In the gray dawn of the financial market, when men squint at screens as if peering into the void of their own uncertain hopes, a ragged voice creaks: “Ah, comrades, Bitcoin’s feast may be nearly over!” The analyst, known as Rekt Capital (of course, he calls himself “Rekt,” as if that is not a prophecy), sits in front of his glowing monitor, a digital candle against the shadows of delusion.
“We have but a sliver left—so thin, so slippery you might lose it between your sausagey fingers,” he says on Thursday, vaguely nostalgic for the sweet days of 2020 when dreams seemed less riddled with existential dread and swindles.
History Repeats Itself—and Then Laughs at You
The oracle Rekt tells us that if Bitcoin dances the same old tired waltz—it will peak in October, 550 days after the halving, just in time for the autumn wind to snatch your profits and scatter them down Wall Street.
“Two, maybe three months left,” Rekt murmurs, and you can almost hear the rustle of panic through the chatrooms and the clatter of empty Red Bull cans.
Yet, the people—God bless their stubborn little hearts—toss reason from the window like yesterday’s pizza boxes. Mention the halving cycle and they spit on your shoes, insisting this time it’ll run till 2026 because, why not, hope springs eternal and history is for suckers.
“They’d rather chase new tales,” Rekt moans, “like Bitcoin and the mystical M2 Money Supply,” as if old metrics are the family dog, left outside in the rain while Crypto Twitter throws a rager inside.
Just the other day, another analyst, Crypto Auris, declared: “The tide of global fiat swells! To $170K we march, comrades!” Of course, at that moment, Bitcoin stood at $109,155—a mere two percent shy of its all-time high, and a lifetime’s journey from the moon. 🚀
Metrics, Madness, and the Eternal Scream of Hope
Rekt shakes his head, “This lust for new metrics—an emotional affair, as impulsive as falling in love with your own reflection.” Emotions cloud your vision, and next thing you know, you’re marrying a price chart.
But, whispers the crowd, what if the halving cycle is just another fairy tale now? After all, the institutional giants have arrived, bringing the cold certainty of suits and spreadsheets. Gone are the days when the halving alone could move mountains—or at least a couple of decimal points.
Geoff Kendrick of Standard Chartered, his tie cinched with institutional gravity, says, “The world’s changed, fellas. BTC no longer tumbles 18 months post-halving. There’s new money, and with new money, old rules break.”
May brought fresh prophecies from the temple of Standard Chartered: $200k by year’s end—a mere pittance beside the frenzied hope of Arthur Hayes, who, not wanting to be outdone at the festival of predictions, hurls $250,000 into the void like a man tossing coins in a wishing well. ✨
So, place your bets, light your candles, and prepare your memes—the wheel turns, and if you’re lucky, you might ride it for one last glorious spin before someone yells “last call” and the lights come up. 🕺🐻
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2025-07-04 09:02