Ethereum Turns 10: You’ll Never Believe What Happened on the Blockchain!

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On the morning of July 30, 2025, Ethereum arose from its digital chaise longue and declared, “I am ten years young—someone fetch me a smart contract and a glass of tokenized champagne!” 🥂 In the style of all truly great things, including myself, it has managed to both amuse us and bankrupt us in equal measure.

Allow me, with all the flair of a society columnist prowling a cryptographically secure ball, to recount the most scandalous milestones of our dear, misunderstood Ethereum.

Ethereum Whitepaper—November 2013: A Modest Proposal by Mr. Buterin

The youthful Vitalik Buterin, evidently bored with his Rubik’s cube, sat down to pen a whitepaper. He declared Ethereum would be the world’s computer—far less dusty than its namesake and with none of the Victorian repression. Decentralized computation for all, except perhaps for my butler, who shuns technology.

The ICO & Mainnet Cotillion—July 2014-2015

Never has a debutante party been so lavish: $18 million raised, ETH tokens thrown around like confetti at a decadent wedding. One BTC for 2,000 ETH—if you missed out, console yourself with a firm handshake and a melancholic stare into the void. The price? $0.311—less than a London cup of tea, with fewer digestive biscuits.

The DAO Debacle—June-July 2016: Splitting Hairs and Blockchains

In a twist worthy of an Oscar Wilde farce, The DAO was hacked, and developers split! One camp proclaimed, “Let’s undo the mischief!” while the purists muttered, “Code is law!” Ethereum forked, like a dinner guest leaving for more salubrious company, and Ethereum Classic (ETC) was born—much to the chagrin of those who dislike sequels. 🍴

Byzantium Hardfork—October 2017: Privacy for the Well-Bred Smart Contract

zk-SNARKS arrived, granting privacy to even the most indiscreet transactions. At last, the blockchain could keep secrets—at least more successfully than my Parisian acquaintances. Data logistics optimized, yet gossip continues to abound.

Difficulty Bomb: An Endless Tea Party—2015 to 2022

Mining became so difficult even the staunchest enthusiasts began considering honest work. Developers, ever averse to final decisions, delayed the difficulty bomb with the desperation of a gambler chasing one last bet. Seven years of delays—one wonders if Ethereum was run by dithering debutantes.

Constantinople Hardfork—February 2019: Let Them Eat (Less) Cake

Block rewards reduced from three ETH to two. Inflation curbed, developers appeased, speculators furious. New EIPs appeared—1052 and 1283, making Ethereum friendlier and cheaper (not unlike a clearance sale at a fashionable boutique). The data logistics were so efficient one expected the blockchain to start writing witty memoirs.

EIP 1559: An Upgrade Worth Burning For—August 2021

The London fork introduced a dynamic fee model. Miners received tips, ordinary users paid fees, and base fees were flamboyantly burned after every block—Ethereum’s peculiar take on performance art. Deflation was suddenly enticing, like an exclusive salon that no one can enter.

The Merge—September 2022: PoW Bows Out, PoS Bows In

On September 15, Ethereum elegantly transitioned from Proof of Work to Proof of Stake—miners everywhere fainted upon their GPUs. The mainnet and Beacon Chain united in a fusion more dramatic than any opera. Henceforth, validators staked, the world breathed easier, and Greta Thunberg sent Vitalik a thank-you note.

Cancun-Deneb Hardfork—March 2024: Exit, Pursued by a Blob

March 13, 2024: Execution layer (Cancun) and consensus layer (Deneb) both attended the upgrade, presumably in matching outfits. Proto-Danksharding (EIP-4844) brought “blobs”—because nothing says progress like new transaction types named after things found lurking under one’s bed.

Prague-Electra Hardfork—July 2025: The Validator’s Ball

May 7 saw Prague-Electra (or “Pectra”, if you want to sound continental) sweeping through Ethereum. 11 EIPs waltzed in, upgrades for all. Validators were allowed to pile up to 2,048 ETH, which is impressive unless your wallet is as empty as a promises on a London election night. Smart contracts and on-chain wallets began to blur—finally, blockchain accounts could enjoy the privileges of the aristocracy.

What’s Next? Tunics, Block Reductions, and the Eternal Waltz

The next act—Fulu-Osaka (Fusaka) and Gloas-Amsterdam (Glamsterdam)—is set to bring faster blocks, cheaper transactions and validators tidier than a Victorian drawing room. Will Ethereum ever cease reinventing itself? One suspects not, for reinvention (much like scandal) is its true métier. 💃🕺

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2025-07-31 08:17