Oh, what a glorious tale of justice! The United States government, that paragon of virtue, now seeks to claim $2.4 million in stolen crypto, as if the very concept of “property” were a sacred cow to be milked by those in power. 🧠💥
Five days ago, the US filed a civil complaint in the Northern District of Texas, a land where even the air smells of legal jargon and greed. The FBI, that noble band of digital knights, seized 20 BTC from a ransomware group called ‘Hors’—a name as poetic as a spreadsheet. 🕵️♂️
The DOJ, that beacon of moral clarity, declares: “This crypto is evil, folks! It’s tied to extortion, money laundering, and the sin of hacking! 📜🔥” But let’s not forget, the same government that once bailed out bankers with taxpayer dollars now plays the role of a digital Robin Hood… with a tax bill. 🦸♂️💸
The seizure, a testament to the “Strategic Bitcoin Reserve” dream, which sounds less like a plan and more like a midlife crisis for the Trump administration. 🧑💼💸
Bo Hines, the Executive Director of the Presidential Council of Advisors on Digital Assets, says, “We’re open to anything! Tariffs, loopholes, even a magic trick!” 🎩🐇 Because nothing says “serious policy” like “no stone is unturned” when the stones are made of stolen data. 🧠💣
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2025-07-30 01:11