JPMorgan & Bitcoin?! You Won’t Believe This!

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Oh, great. They told the Financial Times, did they? Sources. Always “sources.” Like anyone actually *says* anything on the record anymore. So, JPMorgan, this… institution… might let people borrow money using Bitcoin and Ethereum as collateral. Collateral! Like my good china. Starting in… 2026? 2026?! What am I supposed to do until then? Just… wait? 🙄

And Jamie Dimon, the guy who acts like Bitcoin is personally offensive to him? He’s still publicly ranting, I presume. But behind the scenes? Oh, they’re “exploring ETF-linked lending” and “facilitating crypto access.” Facilitating! It’s like they’re trying to *sound* responsible while secretly dipping a toe in the crazy. It’s a whole thing. A whole, infuriating thing.

Custody? Forget about it. Too much responsibility. They’ll let you *use* the crypto, but they’re not actually *holding* it. Of course not. They’re not running a babysitting service for digital funny money. 🤦

And now, suddenly, it’s all okay because Washington decided to “pivot.” And Donald Trump signed a bill called the GENIUS Act? GENIUS? Really? It’s all about “strict rules for stablecoins” now. Rules! As if rules ever stop anyone from doing something stupid. It just makes the stupid more… bureaucratic. 😒

So, JPMorgan is “exploring.” Exploring! It’s always “exploring.” It’s like they’re lost in a digital forest and occasionally poke at a strange mushroom. And *this* is supposed to signal a “new era”? An era of what? More complications? More things to worry about? I need a nap. 😩

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2025-07-22 11:38