Tornado Cash Court Showdown Ends: Bureaucrats Toss Coin, Coin Center Loses

by

If a wizard tried to explain how the US legal system deals with cryptocurrency, he’d probably end up inventing a new type of headache (and Dr. Whiteface at the Guild of Accountants would send him a bill). But here we are: the US Court of Appeals for the Eleventh Circuit – a name so grand it could be a magical artifact – has finally waved a large, bored hand and dismissed the epic (or less-than-epic) appeal between the crusading knights of Coin Center and the mighty faceless necromancers of the US Treasury Department. ⚖️💀

The court, presumably using a rubber stamp labelled ‘Nope,’ vacated a lower court’s ruling and told everyone to pack up their legal scrolls and go home. Both Coin Center and the Treasury agreed that, frankly, there are more exciting things to argue about, maybe even whether pineapple belongs on pizza. This spells the end of Coin Center’s quest to challenge the authority of the Treasury’s Office of Foreign Assets Control (OFAC) in making life difficult for Tornado Cash, a mixing service for money—or at least, things that might once have been money, before magic internet people got hold of it.

Back in the glorious days of 2022, when nostalgia had just become a thing and nobody wanted to hear the word “unprecedented” ever again, OFAC tossed a bundle of Tornado Cash wallet addresses onto its list of sanctioned things. It might as well have been blacklisting witches at a town council meeting. Coin Center, filled with righteous fury, dragged everyone to court, insisting the Treasury had overstepped its bounds. To lend gravitas (and perhaps more paperwork), there were other lawsuits in the wings, including one championed by six Tornado Cash users who had Coinbase as their own sort of burly bodyguard.

The TORN token, after hearing news of the appeal being dismissed, did what every sensible token does upon hearing gossip: it jumped up by 14% to $10.55, then thought better of it, tripped over its feet, and ended up around $9.47. Classic.

Peter Van Valkenburgh, Coin Center’s executive director and occasional X-bandit, announced, “This is the official end to our court battle over the statutory authority behind the [Tornado Cash] sanctions.” One can only imagine him sending this proclamation from atop a paper-strewn mountain. According to Peter, the government decided it wasn’t worth defending their ‘dangerously overbroad interpretation’ of sanction laws—a rare case where admitting defeat is simply less paperwork than pressing on.

CryptoMoon bravely attempted to contact Coin Center’s official oracle, but was left once again on ‘hold’ — something most journalists and low-level necromancers have in common. 📞

Tale doesn’t end there! In January, somewhere deep in the mysterious wilds of the Western District of Texas, a federal judge blinked at OFAC’s stubborn sanctions and ordered them miraculously repealed—at least for the benefit of those six Tornado Cash users and their Coinbase shield. By March, the Treasury had quietly sidled away from Tornado Cash on its list of Specially Designated Nationals, declaring the matter “moot” and probably hoping nobody would notice. (Here’s a secret: everyone noticed.)

Tornado Cash Developers: Still Collecting Legal Trouble Cards

The next chapter is being scrawled as we speak: Roman Storm, a Tornado Cash co-founder and, presumably, not an actual storm in Roman attire, is scheduled to take starring role in a New York criminal trial. He’s accumulated charges of money laundering, conspiracy to run a mysterious money-moving device, and conspiracy to violate US sanctions—a full house, for those keeping score. 🎭

Meanwhile, Alexey Pertsev—another Tornado Cash alchemist—has already been convicted of money laundering in the Netherlands and is now the owner of a five-year Dutch prison holiday. At last count, Roman Semenov is still on the run, either developing more code or shopping for particularly sturdy luggage. 🏃‍♂️

Legal magic, unpredictable tokens, and more than a few people wishing they’d stuck to knitting. The saga, as Discworld historians know, is never truly over—it just waits for the next update.

Read More

2025-07-07 23:02