Simon Gerovich, CEO of Metaplanet, has finally found a way to make money while complaining about the system. His latest update? A Bitcoin treasury expansion plan so convoluted, it’s like trying to explain NFTs to a goldfish.
The crypto community is buzzing because this product doesn’t exist yet. Innovation! They’re calling it “Japan’s first-ever perpetual preferred shares focused on Bitcoin.” Which is just a fancy way of saying, “We’ll keep asking for money forever, but with crypto vibes.”
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Gerovich claims Japan only has six listed preferred shares. Big deal. This one will be the seventh. Groundbreaking. And it’s “perpetual,” which sounds impressive until you realize it’s just a fancy excuse to never pay back the principal. Classic!
The delay? Oh, it’s because of “regulatory complications.” Translation: The Japanese government is doing its job. You know, the one where they prevent financial disasters. But hey, Metaplanet’s got a six-quarter track record in Bitcoin. Which, coincidentally, is also how long it takes to forget why you started investing in crypto.
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Biggest hurdle? Japan expects dividends to come from “sustainable cash flows.” Bold move, right? Instead of selling Bitcoin, they’re just going to… wait for it… generate cash flows from Bitcoin. Like magic! They’ve already proven they can do this. By… well, no one knows. But they say they have a six-quarter track record. That’s like saying I’ve never lost a game of chess-because I’ve only played once.
And get this: They want to pay dividends monthly. Because why settle for quarterly when you can overcomplicate things? Monthly payments require “careful and extensive review.” Translation: They’re terrified of actually sending money to anyone.
Gerovich: “We’re not here to break the system. We’re here to confuse it.”
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2026-05-13 16:46