Metaplanet Just Gambled $108 Million on Bitcoin—What’s Next, NFTs of Sushi?

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Once again, because apparently recessions are for other people, Metaplanet of Tokyo cracked open its wallet—where money and caution waltz in opposite directions—and shelled out $108 million for 1,005 magical internet coins (otherwise known as Bitcoin). The boardroom must have been on a low-sodium diet, because these people are clearly thirsty for risk.

With this latest purchase, Metaplanet now sits on 13,350 BTC, which is “a lot of Bitcoin” or, if you don’t speak Crypto Enthusiast, roughly “several private islands”—and hey, they just nudged past CleanSpark to become the world’s fifth-largest publicly traded Bitcoin hoarder. In other cultures they call it “a collection.” In Japan, apparently, it’s a corporate strategy.

If You Build It (With Debt), More Bitcoin Will Come

CEO Simon Gerovich, probably grinning like a cat who swallowed the crypto canary, announced that the company paid an average of $107,601 per coin. At today’s rates, all that digital gold is valued at $1.45 billion, which means if the office is serving cake, make yours a double slice.

Metaplanet’s new mantra: “Why stop at a little when you can go full Satoshi?” Their target by 2027 is 210,000 BTC—because if you’re going to take big swings, might as well swing for the monetary fences. Let’s just say their shopping cart is bigger than most small nations’ treasuries. 🍰💸

“Three months ago, we hit 3,350 BTC. Now? Add a zero. Literally. We’re at 13,350 BTC. Anyone seen where I put our company credit card?”

And how to finance such a spree? Yo, just issue ¥30 billion in zero-interest, fanfiction-grade bonds ($208 million for those not fluent in Monopoly money). They mature in December 2025, right around the time we’re all supposed to learn what Web3 means. ⏳

Apparently, Metaplanet is keeping an eye on something called “BTC yield per fully diluted share” which, if you say it fast enough at a party, makes you sound like you’ve seen three seasons of Billions and understood none of them.

So far, it’s working. BTC yield is up 129% for the quarter, shareholders are either ecstatic or catastrophically confused, and shares surged 10% on the news, continuing a roll that’s seen the stock rise over 350% this year. Winning streak? Sure. Sold soul? Possibly. 🎢

Catch Me If You Can: The Corporate Bitcoin Hunger Games

Metaplanet’s now mixing with the true Bitcoin gym rats: Strategy, Marathon Digital, Twenty One Capital, and Riot Platforms—all holding amounts of BTC that would make El Salvador blush and Elon Musk get twitchy.

Tesla? That was so last week. Metaplanet left Elon and his dogecoin memes behind on the leaderboard, claiming its spot as king of the nerd-cash hill. Next up: will Simon Gerovich challenge Musk to a duel, or just keep buying until his thumbs cramp? Stay tuned. 🥷💻

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2025-06-30 11:38