The AI Exodus: Cash App’s Bitcoin Empire

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Behold, the mighty empire of Jack Dorsey, whose progeny-Square, Cash App, and Afterpay-saw its ranks dwindle from a mighty 10,000 to a mere 6,000, as if the very earth had swallowed half its inhabitants. Amidst this great exodus, the Q4 2025 earnings revealed a 24% surge in gross profit, a sum of $2.87 billion, while Cash App, that paragon of financial virtue, soared by 33%!

Dorsey, that sage of modern enterprise, penned in a shareholder missive, “Intelligence tools have changed what it means to build and run a company. A significantly smaller team, using the tools we’re building, can do more and do it better.” A marvel! To reduce the number of souls and yet multiply their labors, as if by alchemy!

Block’s stock, that fickle beast, leapt 20% in the after-hours, bestowing upon it a fortune of $6 billion, as if the gods themselves had cast their eyes upon it.

AI or AI-Washing? Critics Weigh In

Yet not all are convinced of this so-called AI revolution. Will Slaughter, that keen observer of human folly, noted that Block had tripled its headcount from 3,900 to 12,500 between 2019 and 2022. A feat of such magnitude that even the Tsar of All the Russias would blink in awe.

“Unwinding less than half an insane COVID overhiring binge has much more to do with Jack Dorsey’s managerial incompetence than whether AI is going to take your job,” he wrote, a truth as bitter as a pot of sour kvas.

It is abundantly clear that “AI is allowing us to be more efficient!” is a much more appealing cover story than “Uh, I have no idea how to manage a budget or achieve operating leverage, just like at Twitter!”

– Will Slaughter (@BamaBonds) February 26, 2026

Dorsey, ever the confessor of his own sins, admitted the overhiring directly. “Yes we over-hired during covid because I incorrectly built 2 separate company structures (Square & Cash App) rather than 1,” he posted, as if confessing to a minor sin rather than a grand miscalculation.

Bull Theory, that scourge of corporate excess, flagged a $68 million splurge on a single company event in September 2025, a sum that could have funded 200 employees’ annual salaries at $340,000 each. A feast fit for a Cossack lord!

Satirist Alex Cohen, that master of absurdity, added fuel to the fire with a viral tale: “I was fired from Block today. I was the PM in charge of changing the default tip option on the Square terminal to start at 40%. Jack replaced me with an AI agent that decides which tip amount to show based on your age, weight, and race.” A future where even tips are judged by the whims of machines!

What Does This Mean for Cash App Bitcoin Users?

Block, that colossus of commerce, wields one of the largest retail Bitcoin platforms in the U.S. Cash App, that titan of the digital realm, serves millions in the sacred act of buying, selling, and hoarding BTC. The company also operates Bitkey, a self-custody wallet, and Proto, a mining hardware division, each a testament to the ambition of its founders.

Cash App, that paragon of profitability, generated $1.83 billion in gross profit last quarter, a figure that would make even the most frugal of merchants weep with joy. Yet with 40% fewer souls managing this infrastructure, the crypto markets watch with bated breath, wondering whether a leaner Block will accelerate its Bitcoin strategy or stumble like a drunkard in the dark.

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2026-02-27 13:23