Crypto Chaos: Trump, Tether, and Taxes – Oh My!

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The Weekly Farce: A Pratchett-esque Rundown

  • India’s Budget 2026: Same Old, Same Old – The crypto taxes remain as stubborn as a dwarf with a grudge, clinging to that 30% gains tax and 1% TDS like a wizard to his pointy hat.
  • Trump’s Fed Pick: Kevin Warsh – Because what the world needs now is another debate on liquidity, risk assets, and Bitcoin. Pass the popcorn, this is going to be a wild ride on the Discworld’s financial rollercoaster.
  • Tether’s $10B Profit: More Money Than Sense – With U.S. Treasury holdings at $141B, Tether’s now the crypto equivalent of a dragon sitting on a hoard. Let’s hope they don’t go all Smaug on us.

In a week where policy decisions and institutional shenanigans took center stage, the crypto markets moved with all the grace of a troll trying to waltz. Regulators, those self-appointed guardians of the financial realm, continued their never-ending quest to make sense of digital assets. Japan, ever the cautious samurai, hinted at crypto ETFs by 2028, while India decided to stick with its tax regime like a stubborn mule on a narrow bridge.

Meanwhile, in the land of the free and the home of the brave, Trump’s political moves and corporate treasury antics kept everyone on their toes. Blockchain infrastructure, that ever-evolving beast, also had its say in the week’s sentiment.

Below, a recap of the absurdities that mattered most.

Top Headlines: The Circus Continues

Trump Picks Warsh for Fed Role: Stirring the Monetary Pot

Donald Trump, the orange-hued ringmaster of U.S. politics, threw his weight behind Kevin Warsh for a senior Federal Reserve role. Warsh, a former Fed governor with a penchant for criticizing quantitative easing, has the financial world in a tizzy. His views on inflation, balance sheets, and asset valuations could spell trouble for Bitcoin and its risk-loving cousins. Tighten the policy, and watch the crypto circus performers wobble on their tightropes.

Tether’s $10B Profit: The Dragon’s Hoard Grows

Tether, the stablecoin that’s anything but stable in its dominance, reported a whopping $10B profit for 2025. With U.S. Treasury holdings hitting $141B, they’re now one of the largest private holders of government debt. Serving over 530 million users, Tether’s the liquidity provider that just won’t quit. Let’s hope they don’t decide to breathe fire on the markets.

Japan’s Crypto ETF Roadmap: 2028 or Bust

Japan, the land of sushi and caution, is finally warming up to crypto ETFs-by 2028. Yes, you read that right. While regulators haven’t given the green light just yet, discussions are underway to bring their framework in line with global standards. For a market that’s traditionally been more wary than a witch at a vampire convention, this is a big step. Institutional investors, rejoice-but don’t hold your breath.

India’s Union Budget 2026: The Beat Goes On

India’s crypto users, a staggering 90 million strong, were treated to another year of uncertainty as the Union Budget 2026 left crypto taxation and regulation untouched. The 30% tax on gains and 1% TDS remain, with no word on licensing, classification, or oversight. For startups, traders, and capital, it’s another nudge toward the exit. Off to greener pastures, they go.

Corporate Accumulation: Strategy Inc. and Bitmine Lead the Charge

Strategy Inc. and Bitmine continued their crypto shopping spree, with Strategy Inc. snapping up 2,932 Bitcoin for $264 million and Bitmine’s Ethereum holdings climbing to 4.2 million ETH. These corporate giants are treating crypto like a long-term treasure, not a fleeting fad. Ethereum, in particular, seems to be the jewel in their crown.

Ethereum’s ERC-8004: AI Meets Smart Contracts

Ethereum developers are at it again, with ERC-8004 set to go live on the mainnet. This new standard aims to simplify interactions between AI-driven agents and smart contracts, managing assets on-chain. While early adoption may be limited, it’s another step toward a future where AI and blockchain are as inseparable as a wizard and his staff.

Hyperliquid Tops Liquidity Rankings: Decentralized Dominance

Hyperliquid, the decentralized derivatives platform, stole the show by topping global crypto liquidity rankings. Trader participation surged, and the HYPE token jumped 20% in response. Centralized exchanges, take note: the decentralized world is coming for your throne.

News You Might Have Missed: The Sideshow

  • Winter Storm Frenan froze Foundry USA’s mining hashrate by 60%, proving that even crypto isn’t immune to Mother Nature’s wrath.
  • Fake Clawdbot tokens surged before being exposed as scams. Moltbot’s founder vowed, “Never doing a coin.” Wise words from a man who’s seen the circus.
  • Binance shifted $1B from its SAFU fund into Bitcoin, because why not add more fuel to the fire?
  • The U.S. government stockpiled cash ahead of a potential shutdown, while Trump sued his own administration. Business as usual, then.
  • The SEC reminded everyone that tokenized securities are still securities. Shocking, we know.
  • OFAC sanctioned UK-based crypto exchanges for alleged Iran-linked activity. The plot thickens.
  • The Czech central bank governor backed a Bitcoin pilot. Progress, one small step at a time.
  • Justin Sun claimed trillions could move to Tron in 2026. Sure, Justin. Sure.
  • OKX’s CEO blamed Binance for the October market crash. Crypto drama: the gift that keeps on giving.
  • Silver doubled in 50 days, while gold took a nosedive. Precious metals: the original crypto.
  • The U.S. DOJ forfeited $400M tied to a crypto mixer. Crime doesn’t pay, folks.

What to Expect Next Week: The Crystal Ball Gazes

Market sentiment will remain as fickle as a witch’s mood, tied to macro and political developments. Federal Reserve leadership and U.S. fiscal uncertainty will keep everyone guessing. Ethereum developers will watch the ERC-8004 rollout like hawks, while Asia awaits clarity on Japan’s ETF plans. In India, the crypto community holds its breath for any sign of regulatory direction. Will the circus continue, or will the ringmaster finally bring order to the chaos? Stay tuned, dear reader, for another week of financial folly.

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2026-02-01 20:04