Trump Shouts at Powell Over CPI: Will Bitcoin Care? šŸ§ØšŸ’ø

Breaking news: The US Bureau of Labor Statistics dropped CPI numbers so underwhelming, they could’ve been a contestant on Survivor and gotten voted off in the first episode. Monthly inflation? A measly 0.3%. Annual? 2.7%. Core CPI? Still not worth a trophy, folks. Both numbers missed expectations by 0.1%-because even inflation’s playing coy these days.

Enter Donald Trump, mic in hand, ready to roast Fed Chair Jerome Powell like a Thanksgiving turkey. For 18 months, he’s been screaming, ā€œCUT THE RATES, JEROME!ā€ Now, with CPI as his new BFF, he’s back with a vengeance. ā€œYou’re too late!ā€ he yells. ā€œCut the interest rates, MEANINGFULLY!!!ā€ (Note: Capitalization is for emphasis; probably doesn’t mean ā€œuse a thesaurus.ā€)

BREAKING: POTUS tweets at the Fed like it’s a customer service line. ā€œThank you mister tariff,ā€ he adds, because why not?

– The Kobeissi Letter (@KobeissiLetter) Jan 13, 2026

Bitcoin, meanwhile, is doing the financial equivalent of a confused shrug. It spiked from $92k to $92.5k post-CPI, then slumped back down like a deflated bouncy castle. Now it’s rallying again, probably because the market’s geopolitical drama is more exciting than this drama. Buckle up-volatility’s coming, and it’s bringing snacks (for the rollercoaster, obviously).

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2026-01-13 18:41