Bitmine’s ETH Hoard: 4.14M Tokens and a Vegas Showdown! 🎰💰

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Key Highlights (Because Who Has Time for the Whole Story?)

  • Bitmine now hoards 4.144M ETH-that’s 3.43% of all ETH, or enough to make Vitalik Buterin blush. 🤑 Total stash? A cool $14.2B in crypto, cash, and “moonshots.” 🚀
  • 659,219 ETH is staked, with the MAVAN staking network set to launch in Q1 2026. Because who doesn’t love a good acronym? 🤓
  • Chairman Tom Lee wants to bump authorized shares from 500M to 50B. Why? Because Las Vegas meetings need drama. 🎲

Well, slap my wallet and call me impressed! Bitmine Immersion Technologies has just announced it’s sitting on a whopping 4.14 million ETH-that’s 3.43% of the entire Ethereum supply. How’d they do it? By scooping up 32,977 ETH in the past week, which is roughly $100 million. Or, as I like to call it, “Tuesday.” 💸

According to CoinGecko (the Wikipedia of crypto, but with fewer typos), Bitmine’s total stash-crypto, cash, and strategic investments-now clocks in at $13.2 billion. That makes them the largest Ethereum treasury and the second-largest crypto treasury globally. Eat your heart out, Scrooge McDuck! 🦆✨

Bitmine’s ETH Holdings: Because Why Not?

ETH Accumulation: The Crypto Version of Hoarding Cats 🐱

As of today, Bitmine holds 4,143,502 ETH, 192 Bitcoin (because why not?), $915 million in cash, and a $25 million stake in Eightco Holdings. Chairman Tom Lee calls this their “fresh money” strategy, which is just a fancy way of saying they’re spending like there’s no tomorrow. 🛒💨

Their goal? The “Alchemy of 5%,” which sounds like a bad fantasy novel but is actually their plan to control 5% of all Ethereum through buying and staking. Because why stop at 3.43% when you can go full Bond villain? 🦹‍♂️

Staking: The Crypto Equivalent of a High-Interest Savings Account 📈

Bitmine has staked 659,219 ETH, up 250,000 ETH in a week. That’s $2.1 billion, or enough to buy a small island-or a really big yacht. Their Made in America Validator Network (MAVAN) is set to launch in 2026, promising staking income of over $1 million per day. Tom Lee calls it “best-in-class,” which is corporate speak for “we spent a lot of money on this.” 💼💰

Share Authorization: The Vegas Edition 🎲

In a move that screams “high stakes,” Lee is urging shareholders to approve increasing authorized shares from 500M to 50B at the January 15 meeting in Las Vegas. His pitch? It’s “structural, not dilutive.” Sure, Tom, whatever you say. Just don’t bet the house on it. 🏠🎰

Apparently, this is to support stock splits, capital raises, and acquisitions as ETH prices soar. Bitmine’s stock already trades like a rollercoaster, so why not add more cars to the ride? 🎢

Liquidity and Backers: The Cool Kids’ Table 🕶️

Bitmine’s stock trades $1.1 billion daily, making it the 44th most traded stock in the U.S.-right between Home Depot and IBM. Their backers include Cathie Wood, Pantera Capital, and Tom Lee himself. Because if you can’t convince yourself, who can you convince? 🤷‍♂️

As they head to the Wynn Las Vegas for their shareholder meeting, Bitmine is all-in on Ethereum, betting that scale, staking, and liquidity will define the next phase of crypto. Or, as I like to say, “Double down or go home.” 🏠🎲

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2026-01-05 22:02