Law and Ledger-where legalese meets lunacy-is brought to you by Kelman Law, a firm that understands blockchain better than your therapist understands your NFT addiction. 🍸
The following op-ed was penned by Alex Forehand and Michael Handelsman for Kelman.Law, presumably between sips of sherry.
Ah, digital assets-those delightful enigmas that have evolved from mere tokens to Byzantine financial contraptions. Staking, DeFi, airdrops, NFTs-each more confounding than the last, like guests at a particularly disastrous garden party. Regulators, bless their bureaucratic hearts, still cling to Howey like a drowning man to a lifebuoy, while the rest of us drown in liquidity pools.
Staking Programs: A Study in Desperation
Staking, dear reader, is the financial equivalent of hoping your neighbor’s prize roses will bloom in your garden. Centralized staking? A securities law buffet-users toss tokens into the void, pray for returns, and blame the intermediary when it all goes pear-shaped. Decentralized staking? Marginally less disastrous, like hosting a dinner party where no one brings up politics.
For further masochistic reading, see: “The SEC’s Staking Scrutiny: A Tragedy in Three Acts” and “August 2025: The Month the SEC Finally Lost Its Patience.”
DeFi Liquidity Pools: Where Hope Goes to Die
DeFi-short for “Desperately Fleeing Institutional Oversight”-operates on the charming premise that code is law, until the SEC disagrees. Liquidity pools are either decentralized utopias or thinly veiled Ponzi schemes, depending on whether you’re holding the admin keys or the bag. Yield farming? More like yield fantasizing.
Airdrops: Free Tokens, Priceless Legal Headaches
Ah, airdrops-the financial equivalent of scattering breadcrumbs for pigeons. “Free” tokens, my foot. The SEC views them as promotional confetti tossed into the crowd before the securities-law guillotine drops. Even Uniswap, that paragon of virtue, got a Wells Notice, proving that no good deed goes unpunished.
NFTs: Art, Scams, or Both?
NFTs-those digital receipts for JPEGs you could right-click save. Most are harmless vanity projects, but fractionalized NFTs? A surefire way to turn art into a security, like serving champagne in a paper cup. Royalties, buybacks, “floor price growth”? Just say “investment contract” and watch the SEC pounce.
Conclusion: A Toast to Chaos
In the end, crypto’s legal fate hinges not on technology, but on whether courts-and the SEC-view your project as a legitimate endeavor or a glorified shell game. At Kelman PLLC, we navigate this circus with aplomb (and occasional despair). Need guidance? Contact us. Bring whiskey.
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2025-12-17 11:05