Ethereum About to Crash? Don’t Panic… Maybe 😅📉

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Oh, great. Here we go again. Ethereum’s doing that thing where it acts like it’s about to go up, then remembers it’s still in therapy for its deep-seated trust issues. 🙃

Yeah, it bounced. Big deal. It’s like when you stand up from the couch after binge-watching three seasons of a show and say, “Alright, time to get fit!” But then you sit back down and order cookies. That’s ETH right now-trying, but not convincing anyone.

Technical Analysis

By Shayan (who probably owns ETH, so take that as you will 🤷)

The Daily Chart

So, Ethereum is still below that pesky descending trendline that’s been raining on its parade since November. Every time ETH gets near it, it’s like, “Hey, maybe I can break out!” And the trendline goes, “Nope. Not today, pal.”

Right now, we’re hanging around $3,1K-below both the 100-day and 200-day moving averages. You know what that’s called? “Underperforming with consistency.” The $3,4K-$3,5K zone? Yeah, that’s not just resistance, that’s a full-on bouncer at a club saying, “You’re not on the list.”

If ETH wants to prove it’s serious about turning its life around, it needs to close above $3,6K. One clean daily close. Just once! Is that so hard? Until then, every little pop is just emotional manipulation.

On the flip side, if things go south (surprise, surprise), the $2.5K-$2.6K zone is the emotional support group where all the weak hands go to cry. It’s the “I told you so” level. And yes, we might visit. Because why not? It’s not like we have momentum or confidence or anything.

The 4-Hour Chart

Look, the 4-hour chart shows a rising channel. Oh, joy. A textbook “hope and pray” pattern. We’ve got higher lows! Progress! Except we’re still trapped under that same damn trendline and a wall of sellers chilling at $3,3K-$3,4K like vultures at a yard sale.

The price has tried to rally-twice. Got smacked down. Then did a little sideways wiggle like, “I’m fine, really!” Nope. That’s not buying pressure. That’s absorption-a fancy way of saying “sellers are calmly taking your money.”

If ETH can’t punch through $3.3K like it owes it child support, then don’t be shocked when it slides down to $3K. The psychological floor! Where dreams go to die. And if that breaks? Say hello to $2.9K. Which, by the way, is not the real bottom, just the “let’s scare people first” bottom.

Only way out? A real, actual, no-foolin’ breakout above the trendline with volume. Not a fake “I promise I’ll change” breakout. A real one. With friends. And references.

Onchain Analysis

By Shayan (again, probably sweating)

Let’s talk about the Binance ETH/USDT liquidation heatmap-basically, a map of where people are gonna lose their life savings. 🔥

There’s a giant wall of short positions stacked between $3,4K and $3,7K. Like a line of dominoes just waiting to fall. If ETH ever gets there, it could be fireworks-a short squeeze! Yay! But here’s the kicker: it hasn’t even tried to go there. It’s like showing up to a gunfight with a water pistol.

Meanwhile, below us? Barely any liquidations until $2.7K. So the path of least resistance? Down, dummy. 🤡

And historically? ETH loves to go exactly where NOBODY wants it to-flush out the weak longs first, make everyone cry, then reverse. It’s emotionally abusive, honestly.

So until those upper liquidation zones get triggered-until we see that glorious squeeze-ETH isn’t going anywhere except sideways in a sad, monotonous loop. Like my cousin who keeps dating the same kind of toxic person.

Ethereum About to Crash? Don’t Panic… Maybe 😅📉

Oh, great. Here we go again. Ethereum’s doing that thing where it acts like it’s about to go up, then remembers it’s still in therapy for its deep-seated trust issues. 🙃

Yeah, it bounced. Big deal. It’s like when you stand up from the couch after binge-watching three seasons of a show and say, “Alright, time to get fit!” But then you sit back down and order cookies. That’s ETH right now-trying, but not convincing anyone.

Technical Analysis

By Shayan (who probably owns ETH, so take that as you will 🤷)

The Daily Chart

So, Ethereum is still below that pesky descending trendline that’s been raining on its parade since November. Every time ETH gets near it, it’s like, “Hey, maybe I can break out!” And the trendline goes, “Nope. Not today, pal.”

Right now, we’re hanging around $3,1K-below both the 100-day and 200-day moving averages. You know what that’s called? “Underperforming with consistency.” The $3,4K-$3,5K zone? Yeah, that’s not just resistance, that’s a full-on bouncer at a club saying, “You’re not on the list.”

If ETH wants to prove it’s serious about turning its life around, it needs to close above $3,6K. One clean daily close. Just once! Is that so hard? Until then, every little pop is just emotional manipulation.

On the flip side, if things go south (surprise, surprise), the $2.5K-$2.6K zone is the emotional support group where all the weak hands go to cry. It’s the “I told you so” level. And yes, we might visit. Because why not? It’s not like we have momentum or confidence or anything.

The 4-Hour Chart

Look, the 4-hour chart shows a rising channel. Oh, joy. A textbook “hope and pray” pattern. We’ve got higher lows! Progress! Except we’re still trapped under that same damn trendline and a wall of sellers chilling at $3,3K-$3,4K like vultures at a yard sale.

The price has tried to rally-twice. Got smacked down. Then did a little sideways wiggle like, “I’m fine, really!” Nope. That’s not buying pressure. That’s absorption-a fancy way of saying “sellers are calmly taking your money.”

If ETH can’t punch through $3.3K like it owes it child support, then don’t be shocked when it slides down to $3K. The psychological floor! Where dreams go to die. And if that breaks? Say hello to $2.9K. Which, by the way, is not the real bottom, just the “let’s scare people first” bottom.

Only way out? A real, actual, no-foolin’ breakout above the trendline with volume. Not a fake “I promise I’ll change” breakout. A real one. With friends. And references.

Onchain Analysis

By Shayan (again, probably sweating)

Let’s talk about the Binance ETH/USDT liquidation heatmap-basically, a map of where people are gonna lose their life savings. 🔥

There’s a giant wall of short positions stacked between $3,4K and $3,7K. Like a line of dominoes just waiting to fall. If ETH ever gets there, it could be fireworks-a short squeeze! Yay! But here’s the kicker: it hasn’t even tried to go there. It’s like showing up to a gunfight with a water pistol.

Meanwhile, below us? Barely any liquidations until $2.7K. So the path of least resistance? Down, dummy. 🤡

And historically? ETH loves to go exactly where NOBODY wants it to-flush out the weak longs first, make everyone cry, then reverse. It’s emotionally abusive, honestly.

So until those upper liquidation zones get triggered-until we see that glorious squeeze-ETH isn’t going anywhere except sideways in a sad, monotonous loop. Like my cousin who keeps dating the same kind of toxic person.

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2025-12-15 10:06