Ah, the marvellous world of Trump’s treasures! On March 6, the great orange wizard himself proclaimed the birth of the U.S. Strategic Bitcoin Reserve. 🧙♂️✨ Since then, it’s been a rollercoaster of doom, with the digital loot now drowning in a sea of red ink. And audits? Ha! Those are as rare as a humble tweet from the man himself. 🕵️♂️🔍
- The crypto stash is shriveling faster than a vampire in sunlight. ☀️🧛♂️
- No one knows how much crypto Uncle Sam’s hiding-it’s like a magician’s hat, but with fewer rabbits. 🎩🐰
- Most of it? Stolen from naughty folks, of course! 🎁🚔
According to the wise folks at Arkham, the U.S. government’s crypto pile is now a measly $28.7 billion. 😱 That’s down from a whopping $42 billion in October and $30 billion when Trump waved his executive wand. 🪄💥
The crown jewel? 326,500 Bitcoins, worth a paltry $28 million. And let’s not forget the altcoins, which have plummeted faster than a lead balloon. 📉🎈 Some are down 98%-ouch! 😖
Where is @DavidSacks “The Crypto Czar” who sold everything at the Top..
– Marc Cohodes (@AlderLaneEggs) November 21, 2025
But hey, who needs accuracy when you’ve got guesswork? Without proper audits, the value’s just a wild stab in the dark. 🌙🔪 CoinGecko and BitcoinTreasuries.net nod in agreement with Arkham, but BitBo says it’s 198,000 BTC-a $10 billion difference! 🤷♂️💰
No Audits? No Problem! 🎉
The executive order promised a treasure trove of digital assets, mostly swiped from baddies. 🕵️♂️💼 Markets cheered, thinking crypto was finally going legit. But guess what? The U.S. hasn’t bought a single Bitcoin-they’re just hoarding what they’ve got. 🤑🙌
Why Should You Care? 🤔
While ordinary folks fret over their crypto crumbs, the Trumps are swimming in dough. 🏊♂️💵 Reuters says they pocketed $800 million in the first half of 2025 alone! Eric Trump’s advice? “Buy the dip!”-easy to say when you’re minting your own tokens. 🍻💎
Retail investors watch Bitcoin nosedive and pray for a miracle, but the Trumps are playing Monopoly with real money. 🎲🏦 Through World Liberty Financial, they’re raking in cash from every token sale, paper losses be damned! 📉💸
In September, they launched the WLFI token, scoring up to $5 billion in paper wealth. 📰💰 President Trump, the “Co-Founder Emeritus,” and his clan own nearly a quarter of the tokens-their biggest win since the inauguration! 🎉🎊
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2025-11-24 19:54