The Department of Government Efficiency-DOGE, for those who still remember acronyms-has shuffled off this mortal coil, unnoticed and unmourned. Born in a flurry of Trumpian tweets and Muskian hype, it was meant to last until 2026. Instead, it expired prematurely, like a New Year’s resolution by February.
Its demise was so quiet, even the interns missed it. No grand farewell tweet, no chainsaw-waving goodbye-just a bureaucratic whisper lost in the wind.
A Spectacle That Fizzled Faster Than a Wet Firework 🎆
Launched with the fanfare of a crypto pump-and-dump scheme, DOGE promised to slash waste, streamline government, and-somehow-make paperwork exciting. Elon Musk swore it was “transparent.” (Spoiler: It wasn’t.)
Then came the Musk-Trump feud-because nothing lasts forever, except awkward Thanksgiving dinners-and Elon ghosted Washington faster than a Tesla autopilot malfunction.
Remember that chainsaw stunt at CPAC? Turns out, symbolism doesn’t cut actual red tape. DOGE claimed billions in savings, but auditors found fewer receipts than a college student’s Venmo history.
By autumn, Scott Kupor of OPM shrugged: “DOGE? Oh, that? Yeah, it’s gone.” The agency vanished like a Snapchat message-absorbed, forgotten, and mildly embarrassing.
Where Did All the Bureaucrats Go? (Hint: They’re Still Here) 🕵️‍♂️
DOGE may be dead, but its alumni thrive like cockroaches after an apocalypse. Joe Gebbia, ex-Airbnb guru, now “designs” federal websites (read: makes them slightly less horrifying). Others scattered like confetti at a budget-cut party-Health, Defense, even Naval Research. Amy Gleason? Promoted. Zachary Terrell? Upgraded. Rachel Riley? Relocated. Efficiency achieved-by redistributing inefficiency.
Crypto Bros Panic (Then Shrug) 🤷‍♂️
Analyst “Kautious” (real name: Dave) warns of market tremors. Contractors sweat. Foreign aid advocates gasp. Meanwhile, Dogecoin spikes-because irony is the only true currency. Meme magic lives on, even if DOGE doesn’t.
The Aftermath: AI, Saudis, and Musk’s Mystery Dinner 🍽️
The White House still dreams of fewer rules-now with AI! Musk resurfaces at a Saudi dinner, because nothing says “efficiency” like oil money and space talk. DOGE’s legacy? Big dreams, bigger flop. A bureaucratic shooting star-blink, and you missed it.
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FAQs (Frequently Avoided Questions)
Is DOGE officially shut down?
Yes. Pour one out for the meme that tried to govern.
Why was DOGE shut down early?
Ran out of hype. And money. Mostly hype.
Did DOGE actually save any money?
Sure, if you count “unverified claims” as savings. (We don’t.)
How many federal employees were fired?
Enough to fill a stadium. Or two. (But who’s counting?)
Can DOGE come back?
Only as a Halloween costume.
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2025-11-24 08:39