Key Highlights
- The firm celebrated the ritualistic acquisition of 487 BTC for ~$49.9 million, because nothing says “fiscal responsibility” like buying a volatile asset at $102k a pop. 🤑
- Total holdings now stand at 641,692 BTC, purchased for $47.54 billion-a mere rounding error in the grand scheme of things. The “average cost” is $74k, which is obviously a bargain basement price. 🙃
- Michael Saylor proudly announced a 26.1% BTC “yield” YTD 2025, because when your entire strategy is “HODL,” even a coin flip qualifies as a “systematic approach.” 📈
In a stunning act of corporate foresight (or perhaps collective madness 🤪), Strategy confirmed its latest foray into the digital gold rush on November 10, adding 487 BTC to its ever-growing hoard. The purchase, executed at the bargain price of $102,557 per coin, brings their total stash to 641,692 BTC. Because nothing says “long-term value” like buying high and calling it a strategy.
The announcement was delivered via X (formerly Twitter) and an SEC filing, because if you don’t shout your crypto purchases into the void while filing paperwork, are you even a corporation? 📜✨
Saylor, ever the visionary, framed the 26.1% yield as proof of genius. Critics might call it “luck,” but why let facts ruin a good origin story? 🦸♂️
Purchase History: A Saga of “Strategic” Timing
Just weeks earlier, the firm had already bought 397 BTC at $114,771 each-a mere 11 days before the price dropped to $102k. A masterclass in timing, or a lesson in buying the dip? You decide. 🎯
Their “long-term” average cost remains a “healthy” $74k, which would be impressive if Bitcoin hadn’t hit $120k last year. But hey, unrealized gains are still imaginary profits, right? 💭
Saylor’s “Grand Strategy”: Because Fiat is For Losers 🚨
According to Saylor, Bitcoin is the ultimate “non-sovereign digital hard asset.” Which is corporate speak for “we don’t trust governments, but we’re 100% sure this internet money will outlive us all.” 🌍💀
Their Q3 profit of $2.8 billion-driven by Bitcoin’s “appreciation”-proves the plan is working. Or maybe the market just hasn’t realized this is a Ponzi scheme yet. 🤷♂️
At 641,000 BTC, the firm’s holdings now rival the GDP of a small island nation. But why diversify when you can just HODL through the apocalypse? 🌋
“To the barricades, comrades! We shall crush the bourgeoisie and accumulate BTC!” – Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, probably.
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2025-11-10 20:32