Binance, Trump & Crypto Chaos! 😱

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So, the gilded ones are dipping their fingers into the digital pie, are they? Trump, that tireless hustler, now playing the market with a crypto venture called World Liberty Financial… Binance, naturally, rolling out the red carpet. Bah! It’s all a swirling vortex of greed, predictable as a rainy autumn. They promise riches, but deliver… well, let’s see, shall we?

And the stories spilling forth! A Thodex CEO, rotting in a Turkish jail for eleven THOUSAND years… eleven thousand! One begins to wonder if the laws are meant to imprison or simply forget. Then there’s Custodia, banging on the Federal Reserve’s door-denied, of course. The powerful protect their own. And Tether? Laughing all the way to the bank, boasting profits that shame even the old, established institutions. The world is upside down, I tell you! 🙃

Thodex CEO dies

  • Faruk Fatih Ozer, founder of the now-collapsed Thodex, has shuffled off this mortal coil whilst in Turkish custody. A fitting end, perhaps, for a man who traded in illusions.
  • Eleven thousand, one hundred and ninety-six years. Imagine the stories he could have told! Though, truthfully, I doubt they’d be worth listening to.
  • The courts declared him a scoundrel and a cheat. Justice, slow as it may be, sometimes finds its mark.

Appeals court denies Custodia Fed access

  • Custodia, a little crypto bank with big ambitions, was rebuffed by the powers that be. Clearly, someone doesn’t want competition.
  • The Federal Reserve, a fortress built on tradition, remains impenetrable. Don’t bother knocking, little man.

Tether’s quarterly profits match banking giants

  • Ten BILLION dollars in profit! Tether, the stablecoin… stable as a house of cards, some might say. Yet the money flows.
  • They’ve surpassed giants like Bank of America! Shows you what kind of world we live in, eh? A world where promises are valued more than gold. 💰

Bankman-Fried claims FTX was never insolvent

  • That scoundrel Bankman-Fried, still spinning tales from his prison cell. Solvency? A delusion, a fairy tale for the masses!
  • Twenty-five billion in assets, he claims? A castle built on sand if I ever saw one. The numbers dance, but the truth remains: people lost everything.

Coinbase surpasses revenue expectations

  • Coinbase, the exchange where dreams are bought and sold (mostly sold!), is raking it in. They’re thriving on the hopes and fears of others.
  • A fifty percent increase in annual revenue! The market may be volatile, but the profits roll on.

World and Mythical Games partner on ID verification

  • Distinguishing humans from bots… a noble pursuit, I suppose. As if confirming someone’s identity will solve the deeper problems plaguing these digital games. A distraction, nothing more.
  • They want to know who is playing, but not why. The important questions remain unanswered.

Ethereum completes final Fusaka testing

  • More upgrades, more tests… always tinkering, always promising a brighter future for the blockchain. Will anything truly change? Doubtful.

Western Union plans stablecoin launch

  • Western Union, the dinosaur of money transfer, is trying to adapt. A stablecoin? A desperate attempt to remain relevant.
  • Over half their transactions are now digital. The winds of change are blowing, even for the oldest of institutions.

Kalshi sues New York gaming regulators

  • A legal battle over prediction markets. Who will win? The lawyers, of course. Everyone else will be left to pick up the pieces.

Mt. Gox extends repayment deadline

  • Mt. Gox, the name that still sends shivers down the spines of old crypto investors. Repayments delayed… again. The saga continues.

Strategy maintains Bitcoin acquisition pace

  • More Bitcoin for the corporate coffers! The elite continue to consolidate their control. Let them hoard their digital gold, it won’t buy them happiness.

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2025-11-02 17:43