Markets: The Great Cryptocurrency Circus 🎪

What to Know, or Pretend to Care About:
Apparently, a certain research firm has courageously suggested its clients dabble in the dark arts of short selling Ether to protect their shiny Bitcoin holdings-because why not diversify your misery?
“Our altcoin model remains steadfast-short Ether, long Bitcoin,” trilled Markus Thielen of 10x Research, as though he’d discovered the secret to eternal youth.
Shorting Ether is the chosen knight’s armor, mainly because the Ether treasury (DAT) looks about as lively as a zombie at a tea party.
Thielen, ever the prophet of doom, notes that Bitmine Immersion Technologies-once a major Ether acquirer-is now on a cap-and-bailout diet, slowing down since September. Apparently, retail demand went on vacation, leaving Ethereum’s upside looking about as promising as a weather forecast in London.
And if Bitmine’s wallet is empty, so is Ethereum’s gleam, at least until someone redistributes the wealth. 🎩
Investors are also showing disdain through ever-increasing put options, signaling they’d rather stay out of Ether’s way. Meanwhile, Bitcoin’s call options hit a record-breaking $50 billion-probably because everyone wants a piece of its glory, or at least a chance to sell at a profit. 📈
Google searches reveal Ether’s dwindling fan club-making it more vulnerable than the last slice of cake at a party.
All in all, if Bitcoin starts dancing to the upside past $100,000, Ether might face some rough weather. ☁️
Thielen’s advice? Long Bitcoin, short Ether-like a financial Spartacus wielding the sword of sarcasm and safety.
At the moment, Ether is lounging at $3,815, down over 3%, while Bitcoin stumbles at $108,820, down nearly 2%, because even giants need a nap.
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2025-10-31 06:39