📰 Finance Funnies 📰
What ho, squire! Here’s the lowdown: 🕵️♂️
- Kraken’s coffers swelled like a wizard’s wallet at a hat sale, raking in $648 million in Q3-a 114% leap from last year. 🤑
- Adjusted earnings? A tidy $178.6 million, up 124% QoQ. Total volume? $561.9 billion, because why not? 📈
- With a $15 billion valuation and $500 million in funding, Kraken’s IPO plans are as inevitable as a troll under a bridge. 🌉
Ahoy, crypto scallywags! Kraken, the tentacled titan of the digital seas, has been hoarding doubloons like there’s no tomorrow. 🦑💰 In the third quarter, the crypto exchange (legally known as Payward Inc., but who’s keeping track? 🤷♂️) hauled in $648 million in revenue-a 114% jump from last year. That’s more than a dwarf’s beer tab at the Mended Drum! 🍻
Adjusted earnings? A cool $178.6 million, up 124% from the previous quarter. Total volume? $561.9 billion, because apparently, the world’s gone crypto-crazy. 🌍💸 Kraken defines revenue as gross income minus trading costs, which is about as clear as a troll’s explanation of quantum physics. 🤓
This windfall gives Kraken the clout to push forward with its IPO plans in the U.S. With a $15 billion valuation and a $500 million funding round, they’re less of a kraken and more of a leviathan now. 🐋 If all goes well, they’ll join the likes of Bullish (CoinDesk’s parent) and Gemini in the public markets. 🎢
Meanwhile, Kraken’s rival, Coinbase, is set to report earnings on Oct. 30. Analysts expect a 50% revenue climb, but let’s be honest-Kraken’s already stolen the show. 🎭
So, will Kraken’s IPO be a smooth sail or a stormy voyage? Only time (and a lot of paperwork) will tell. 🏴☠️
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2025-10-22 20:49