Markets
What to know, if one must:
- Crypto-linked stocks, especially those bitcoin miners masquerading as AI wizards, were tumbling in a most ungraceful manner during Wednesday’s early American frolics. 😂
- Galaxy Digital, ever the pivot master, plummeted 15%, devouring its post-earnings feast like a tragic hero’s illusion. 😏
- Bitcoin clung stubbornly near $108,000, yet still a shadow of its Tuesday zenith of $114,000-ah, the fleeting joys of prosperity! 💔
On this wretched Wednesday, crypto’s children were soundly thrashed, with bitcoin miners-those clever chaps now posing as AI sages-enduring the harshest blows, as if in a Chekhovian farce where dreams crumble without the courtesy of a stage curtain. 🙄
Bitfarms (BITF), Cipher Mining (CIFR), Hut 8 (HUT), and others slunk 10%-15% lower in the dawn’s pale light. Galaxy (GLXY), the digital crumbs collector with ambitions toward data empires, suffered a 15% haircut, erasing Tuesday’s meager triumphs like forgotten lines in an old play. 😜
The CoinShares Bitcoin Mining ETF (WGMI), that soothsayer of the sector, was 7% adrift, its fortunes as fickle as human folly. 🎭
Even crypto’s outliers weren’t spared: Bakkt Holdings (BKKT), after its absurd 300% leap earlier, dogged another 7.5% dive, now 40% lighter in a mere week-truly, why bother with such ephemeral flights? MicroStrategy (MSTR), hoarding coin like a miserly uncle, dipped 4% to under $290. 💸
Peering at Coinbase (COIN), Robinhood (HOOD), Bullish (BLSH), and Gemini, one finds sharp declines of 5%-6%, as if the market whispered, “Enough of your delusions, comrades.” 😒
Bitcoin hovered at $108,000, a pittance from Tuesday’s $114,000 glory, while Wall Street’s Nasdaq shed 1%, its chipmakers weeping like abandoned props. 🫠
The AI Spectacle Fades, Like a Dull Provincial Tale
The miners’ steep descent hints their grand, multi-moon ascent-fueled by fantasies of data center gold-has curdled in risk’s sour glare, leaving one to chuckle at fate’s irony. 🤡
At peak frenzy, these AI progeny boasted a $95 billion cap; now, a mere $82 billion, per Farside’s grim ledger-such is the comedy of markets. 🙃
Bitfarms (BITF), once soaring 400% from September, has tumbled 40%, scrabbling above $4, while IREN (IREN), up 400% this year and 200% since September, has slid 30% from its $73 apex, now nigh unto $52-oh, the tragic futility! 😢
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2025-10-22 19:01